TEACHING BY EXAMPLE

Originally posted on FB on Aug. 2nd♥


I experienced something this week where the Universe allowed me to do something I wanted to do, but in a bit of an unexpected way.

I had an interaction at work with someone I will name Person A. I am one of Person A's Supervisors and Person A had made a mistake. When I brought this to Person A's attention, Person A got defensive. I was surprised. I had expected an apology. I recognized that not only was I surprised at the response, but also that Person A reflected back to me a default habit from the past that I am actively working on.

Taking the exchange home with me, and doing some inner work, I soon realized that the interaction with Person A also helped me to unearth some memories connected to another feeling that came up--memories I had long forgotten about, memories from when I was younger that I didn't realize affected me and my perception of self. Memories that needed healing. Gratefully, I was able to heal and forgive the first memory that came up. I am working on forgiving the other two.

Now, back to Person A. When our interaction first occurred, I mentioned that I was surprised at the defensiveness. Internally, I wanted to articulate/teach that there was an error made and being defensive was deciding not to own up to or acknowledge the role Person A played. But even I knew at that point it would only be received with more defensiveness.

Well, the Universe stepped in and ended up providing two ways.

Two days later, there was a situation where I ended up having to apologize to Person A and a few other people because of an error I had made. When it happened, the thought briefly crossed my mind to ignore it. And then I realized what I was planning on doing was another form of being defensive--not admitting that I had made a mistake. I also saw the importance of putting out into Universe/ giving what I felt I would have wanted in the upshot of my first interaction with Person A. So I apologized.

Then the next day, I ended up having to apologize to someone about another error that I made and guess who had the opportunity to bear witness to it? Person A.

I call this synchronicity.

I'm grateful for the realization that these two opportunities were given to me to help teach by example. It was a reminder to me to heal the reacting-defensively-default-habit AND it provided an example of what I wanted to communicate to Person A when Person A had reacted defensively earlier in the week. It had been such a clear desire on my part, but the only way to do it at the time did not feel "right" to me. I didn't consciously realize the Universe had been listening.

Now, truth be told, I recognize that it doesn't really matter whether Person A got something out of the two latter apologies as it's not my place to make certain that this was the case. What was important was what I got out of the whole thing. I got the chance to teach by example. I got to say via action what I wanted to communicate in our earlier interaction.

So thank you, dear Universe for the opportunity and for the clarity.

Still working on forgiveness. But I trust that it will come.

9/10/13

Originally posted on FB on 9/10/13♥


Giving voice to inner musings/ Sharing out loud. Early this morning, as I walked to the train station, a starling bird flew my way and landed at my feet. I remember thinking how lovely it looked and also thinking that it was standing quite close to me, almost as if it was looking up at me. There was a bit of food on the ground, but the starling seemed to ignore it. I kept walking, but I was a bit tickled by the whole thing. After all, to my recollection, no birds had ever flown so close to me, not to mention, stand so close to me. I remember glancing back and it was still looking in my direction. Not giving it another thought, I crossed the street, went underground and made my train connection. When I got to my destination, I turned on my phone and learned of the passing of my loved one. I can’t help but wonder if the interaction with the starling was a sign. I'm wired that way:)

SMOOTH TALKER. FEAR

Originally posted on FB on Sept. 12th♥

Dear Hearts, it's easy to believe the fear thoughts. It's easy to give into the anxiety. It's easy because we've practiced it and in some cases, it become second nature--a knee jerk response. But there is another choice. You are a walking miracle. You are more than your physical self. So much has happened in your life to remind you of this. But to really move towards a more helpful perspective, to really let go of the fear, you have to put in the conscious work to practice a different tune. Look within and breathe until you can get to a place of stillness. Just begin with that. You don't have to accept the fear. Choose your self. Choose your spirit. Nurture a mental and emotional environment that allows peace to take root. Just focus on getting back to stillness, first and foremost, and then go from there. From that place, you can pray or speak affirmations. From that place you are in a better position to make helpful choices. Any choice you make from a place of fear does not serve you. And sometimes, the fear is so great, you feel you can't even make a decision. Breathe. Breathe slow and deep to stillness. And from there, you can remember who you truly are♥

TENSION QUOTE

Originally posted on FB on Sept. 19th♥

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." The other day, that proverb kept popping into my head. I'd heard it before, but as it insisted on being part of my mental playlist of the moment, I decided to give it a more conscious examination. This is what I came up with.

All those moments I've found myself tense--be it borne out of worry or out of anger, most everything about me is restricted--my breathing, my voice, my body, even my thoughts. And then I also noticed that sometimes, even when I'm not in an emotional state (i.e. seemingly dealing/reacting to some perceived outside incident), several times I've checked in with my body only to find that I'm not relaxed--either my shoulders are tense or I'm not really breathing or there is a general constriction within my body. But then there have been times when I've checked in and felt present, and fluid--basically, fully relaxed into the present moment. I, for one, know I feel better when my decisions and general state of being stem from a more relaxed nature than of a tense one. I know my body would rather move through the world from a place of peace than that of tension.

So, I feel the proverb popped into my mind to remind me to check in more often to see if I'm perpetuating tension and if so, to release and consciously embrace relaxation. I believe I was being reminded to stay conscious of what my body is communicating to me and to use the feedback to delve deeper into understanding the source of the tension. From there, I can take the necessary steps to help transform the tension to relaxation, thereby contributing to my own physical and emotional well-being

I LEAVE YOU FREE

Originally posted on FB on Oct. 9th 2013♥

“I leave you free to be yourself, to think your thoughts, to indulge your taste, follow your inclinations, behave in any way that you decide is to your liking.”-- Anthony De Mello from The Way to Love, The Last Meditations of Anthony De Mello

I recently had an interaction with someone who wanted me to change my mind regarding a decision I had made. She wanted me to attend a function and everything inside of me said, “No.”

She kept trying to sway me, but I held my ground firmly stating that if I was able to make it I would let her know but for now, I would not be attending. Well, when I got off the phone, my mind kept replaying the scene and I found myself, on several occasions, tempted to be upset that she would try to force me to do something against my clearly stated will.

And then I had an “a-ha!” moment.

I realized that I was finding her and her actions guilty, as opposed to giving her the freedom to think and believe what she wanted to believe. And in fact, in some ways, I was doing to her what she had tried to do to me—finding her guilty because she didn’t see things MY way. And, in all honesty, by choosing to find her guilty, I was choosing to give away my peace of mind. But why give away my peace of mind? After all, I had already made my decision, so why keep replaying the situation as though my right to decided had been taken away from me?

Sometime ago, I memorized the quoted passage from Anthony De Mello’s book. I memorized it as a mantra to help me heal my perceptions regarding the aftermath of a romantic relationship. Well, it just so happened to pop into my head as the answer to my current dilemma—that of finding someone guilty for not being the way I wanted her to be. So, now, when I’m tempted to replay this situation, when I’m tempted to see guilt, I’ll just say that mantra over and over until it becomes my automatic internal response. This way, I stand by my right to make my own decisions and at the same time give her the freedom to believe what she chooses to believe. This way, we're both free. I believe:)

TAKE YOUR WELL BEING INTO ACCOUNT

Salutations, fellow sojourners♥ There are a lot of things that we do out of habit, and those habits have served a very necessary purpose in how we interact with the world. But please take the time, now, to examine the habit to see if it actually contributes to peace—not just the imagined peace of the receiver but to your peace as well. Just because it’s a socially accepted habit, or just because you’ve always done it, does not mean it’s actually the “right” thing for you to do in every situation. Take your wellbeing into account and make sure that your actions are genuinely contributing to your peace of mind. My humble wish for you today. My wish for you always♥

LET YOURSELF RECEIVE

Salutations, fellow sojourners♥ “Infinite love fills my mind and thrills my body with its perfect life.” (from the Life & Teachings of the Masters of the Far East Volume 1)

We engage in giving love, sending love, channeling love to others. But when it comes to receiving love, many times there's a practiced disconnect. Why not balance the giving by allowing yourself to be a recipient as well? Love’s good for every single one of us. Be open to it—keep at being open to receiving it in all its various manifestations (a compliment, a gift, some assistance, etc) --even if your first reaction is to deflect or push it away. When you push it away, you’re stopping the flow and secretly telling yourself that you're not worthy. Dear hearts, you are worthy of love, therefore begin allowing yourself to receive♥

I COULD CHOOSE PEACE INSTEAD OF THIS

Some years ago, I began reading A Course in Miracles. I did not finish, but some of what I learned has stayed with me and I feel I will pick it up again and start from the beginning.

One of the lessons states:

“I could see peace instead of this”

It is lesson 34 and can be applied anytime you “see” something that elicits judgment, fear thoughts, impatience, etc.

It popped into my mind recently.

I connect with the word, “could.”

It’s a reminder that I can choose again. It starts me on the journey of potentially embracing another perspective regarding the unfolding situation. It’s enough of an opening to begin laying the foundation of change and conscious ownership of my choices. “Could” is the first step. And with enough “coulds” it can eventually become, “I see peace instead of this.” But today, I begin with, “could.” I hope you’ll join me. Namaste♥

GROWTH OPPORTUNITIES

I wrote this entry on Dec. 4th on FB after returning from the burial ceremony of my late father♥

Salutation fellow sojourners♥ Namaste♥ How are you all? I’m back from my trip and what a trip it was As I’ve had the opportunity to talk it over with some friends, I’ve decided that in lieu of detailing the things that did not unfold as planned, I would instead like to share with you lessons/reminders that the experience has gifted to me And who knows, perhaps some of it will be of assistance to you♥

I was reminded that it was not my place to attempt to control someone else’s reactions especially if in the trying to control person B’s reactions, I was becoming disconnected from a peaceful perception. The following Abraham-Hicks quote says it best: "It is not your role to make others happy, it is your role to keep yourself in balance. When you pay attention to how you feel and practice self-empowering thoughts that align with who you really are, you will offer an example of thriving that will be of tremendous value to those who have the benefit of observing you."

I was reminded of the importance of not making assumptions and treating them as facts. No matter how “logical” it might seem, at the end of the day, an assumption is an assumption and treating it as fact doesn’t make it so (particularly when others are involved). I was gifted with a plethora of Teachers on this trip whose actions really drove that point home for me.

I was reminded that if I just remember to ask for Divine assistance and stay open to receiving the best answer, then I would be assisted in the best way possible. There were times when I found myself worrying over a decision and the thought would pop into my head that I was trying to go at it alone—that I was trying to force something with my own strength—as opposed to asking for help and trusting that the best kind of help would come to pass. When this thought would show up, I would remember to pray and I honestly got the help that I needed in ways I could not have foreseen.

My insecurities were reflected back to me in such a way that I had no doubt that I was the originator as opposed to thinking that someone else’s “random” actions were the reasons for why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I could clearly see where I needed to do the work to heal my psychic wounds and until I healed them, it would be relatively easy for something “outside” of me to exacerbate them.

I was reminded of the importance of continuing to do my inner work so that in the midst of “outer” turmoil, I could still plug into peace.

Dear hearts, suffice it to say that it was definitely an experience.
And I’d like to take the opportunity to say I am genuinely grateful to all the beings on this side of the veil and the other side of the veil who helped me get through/grow through it.

Thanks, thanks and forever thanks♥

I CHOSE IT SO I COULD FORGIVE IT

I was mostly asleep. Literally. I was lying in bed. Had been for a few hours. But I was also semi-conscious that I was thinking when, all of a sudden, I had a thought to which I remembered thinking, “No, I don’t want to think about that.” And started to push it away. But in that split second of that immediate response, I had another thought that said, “No, I should forgive it.”

It was a bit of a light bulb moment. You see, in this particular scenario, I had been thinking about habits that I engage in that I’m tempted to feel bad/conflicted about. And some part of me finally understood that perhaps the habit was part of my life experience, not to engender guilt, but forgiveness. It was such a lucid, (dare I say) “truth” that was accompanied by a sense of peace.

Sequence of events: Thought came up. Mind/Instinct/Habit began to push it away (thereby perpetuating guilt by not dealing with it). Clarity/Higher Self/Holy Spirit/Soul intervened and I was aware enough to experience an a-ha moment.

The thoughts we have, the actions we partake in that we are inclined to judge ourselves for, perhaps on some level, were chosen by us so that we could remember to forgive them. That’s beautifully freeing to me.

And why not? After all, it has been said that we, as Souls, choose our families, friends, frenemies, illnesses, etc, prior to incarnating, as growth opportunities. So why couldn’t we choose certain habits for that same purpose?

And wouldn’t forgiveness of self (which ultimately paves the way for forgiving others) and genuine unconditional love for oneself (and again ultimately making it possible to extend that to others) be the biggest Meccas of growth opportunities? The Mega Million Lottery Jackpot prize of growth opportunities?

But we don’t have to go at it alone. We can still and should still ask for help from our friends in Spirit (Mother/Father God, Angels, Guides, etc) to remember to extend and choose true forgiveness for ourselves.

I honestly believe they helped me make that connection while I was between worlds this morning. And for that I say, “Thank you dear, Friends. Every little bit of clarity, helps.”♥

Shared with the hopes that it will be of loving service.

IT'S ABOUT GUILT

Forgiveness is difficult when we still see the other persons involved as guilty. When we see someone as guilty, sometimes s/he does something that we feel we would never do and therefore can never understand how someone else could do it. And sometimes when we see others as guilty, it’s because they’ve done something that we may have done in the past and have not forgiven ourselves for and to see it “outside” ourselves reminds us we’ve placed this behavior in solitary confinement (as a way of shaming it and refusing to “dirty” our hands with it) as opposed to compassionately welcoming it in for the sole purpose of understanding it, forgiving and then letting go. Ultimately, in both scenarios, it comes down to guilt. A genuine desire in your beautiful heart to stop seeing the other party as guilty is key. It’s not going to happen overnight, but genuinely focusing your energy on this as opposed to just on “forcing” forgiveness will move you closer to drawing the assistance that you need to genuinely let go and ultimately, forgive.

There’s also something in it where we might be trying to force others to be a certain way as opposed to letting them be the way that they are choosing to be. Sometimes it helps to remember that everyone is really doing the best that they can in any given moment—even if Person A’s best appears “suspect.” The thing is Person A’s best is comprised of where Person A is in life and how Person A was raised and what Person A has come to accept as his/her way of coping and interacting with the world at this point in time of his/her life.

There was an affirmation I posted on the page sometime ago that I’ve used as a mantra to help retrain my mind when I’ve met with resistance to forgiving. I share it again with the hopes that it helps.

“I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free.”—Louise L. Hay, from the book, You Can Heal Your Life.

Perhaps coupling it with a genuine desire to work through letting go of seeing all parties involved as guilty, will make even more of a difference.

And please remember that having the desire to forgive is an immense step towards reclaiming your inner peace. The conscious desire—even if how to go about it seems momentarily elusive—is a huge step towards healing. And if you've chosen to take that step, then please consider taking another step and looking at the underlying beliefs of guilt that could benefit from being gently and compassionately addressed so that more forgiveness can truly come in and be experienced by you and extended to all parties involved♥ Cheering. You. On♥

AN APPROACH TO A RELATIONSHIP DISCONNECT--thinking out loud

Prior to agreeing to being a part of a relationship, people enter into it (as far as they’re concerned) fully formed—comprised of nature and nurture and some deliberate and not so deliberate choices. Therefore if there are aspects of their personality that they've never really considered or had to think about in regards to how it might affect others, then it’s not very likely that they will. That is, until something happens.

In the beginning of a relationship, perhaps it’s mostly starry-eyes, harps, and romance. But there may come a time when one party or either party’s perception, shifts. And before you know it, there appears to be a disconnect in the relationship and with the disconnect, doubts arise and fear thoughts begin to run rampant, playing tag on the playground of the mind.

This is the time to stop the fear loop, stay conscious and be honest regarding where the fears are coming from.

It’s likely that you or your partner is just going through an energetic cycle shift. Just like Mother Nature goes through her cycles, people can as well. Maybe your partner is now experiencing a Winter in which s/he becomes more introverted as opposed to the Spring that you've “always” seen. It doesn't mean something is “wrong” per se. It does mean that there is a shift and, as it is noticeable, needs to be addressed.

How do you start? Well, you ask. And yes, s/he may not be able to articulate what is going on with them, because s/he may not have noticed it before—at least not very consciously. But you owe it to each other and your relationship to ask, to communicate.

Before assuming there is a problem, ask. And if you find yourself still doubtful after getting a response, look within to see if your doubts are based on past experiences involving him/her or past relationships where this type of doubt/fear has come up. For example, just because he’s seemingly aloof doesn't mean that he’s cheating or no longer interested in being with you. Before entertaining that thought as fact, take a moment to look at your history. Has he ever been dishonest with you or dishonest in interactions with others? If not, then is there something about the way he’s acting that reminds you of a past relationship where the person ended up being dishonest? Looking at your partner again, is it fair to say he actually is more of a loner in general? Or has something changed in his life—work, extended family, friends, health—that may be affecting him? And if you are aware of a change in the aforementioned, based on how you've seen him work things out in the past, does he try to do it all by himself? If so, what you may see as aloof, may just be his natural inclination in this type of a situation. And if you bring it up as an issue—as something that has come out of nowhere and needs to be changed immediately, you risk putting him on the defense, having him feel that he has to change himself—that he has to change something that as far as he’s concerned has been his way of approaching things for as long as he can remember. And the goal is more likely that you want to be able to communicate from the heart and have both parties continue to come from a place of love and respect and compassion for each other.

Also, take a look at what may be going on with you . Have you experienced recent changes that are affecting the level of communication you’re now interested in further nurturing? If so, and if your partner is still operating under the way things used to be, then it’s imperative that you talk about it so you’re on the same page.
A relationship involves two people. I love the following quote by Jim Rohn: “The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.’” What I love about this quote is the reminder to play your part and allow your partner to play his/her part. It also reminds me of the following selection from Khalil Gibran’s work, The Prophet:

On Marriage by Kahlil Gibran

"You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

Dear Hearts, speak your heart, always, and at the same time encourage yourself to take in more of the big picture--not just one corner of it♥ Deliberately embrace the expansion of sight. If need be, ask those you trust--those you know who see or those you sense are inclined to practicing consciousness for help. You'll know who they are.

Good luck♥ Cheering♥ You♥ On♥

WORKING THROUGH EMOTION

Something has happened.

Actually several things have happened, but I'm not ready to discuss the other things.

Something has happened and I feel it in the pit of my stomach. I am tempted to worry, to think fear based thoughts, to wonder, "Why?!" and entertain worst case scenarios.

But I know this would not be acting from a place of consciousness.

And so, I acknowledge the churning and fluttering of emotions in the pit of my stomach, and I ask for Divine Assistance in coming from a place of love and peace.

I ask for help in letting all parties involved make the decisions they feel they need to make without judging because if I judge, I am most likely to find a certain person, Guilty. And i know in my heart that I don't want to see her as guilty.

So, I'm taking baby steps and asking for and trusting that I'll get all the help I need to stay in my truth.

SIGNS FROM MY FRIENDS

Some days ago, I was sitting in my bedroom and happened to look towards the window. There, I saw a rather large dandelion fluff sail by. I didn’t think too much of it except to absentmindedly register it was very rare for me to see one or to see one so large. And that was it. I went about my business.

Yesterday, I was walking down the stairs to the subway platform, when I saw another dandelion fluff. Once again it was on the large side, and this time a part of me registered a bit more consciously, “That’s kind of neat—that’s the second time I’m seeing one in such a short space of time.” And that was that. Again, I went about my business.

Later in the evening, out of the blue, it suddenly occurred to me that those dandelion fluffs might be signs from my Guides. Perhaps a random assumption, but it was such a clear thought that it felt quite plausible to me. So, I asked for a sign, and I asked that the sign make it self known to me today.

This evening, while riding the bus to the local mall, I looked out the window and saw what looked like another dandelion fluff. I strained to get a better look, but as I was on a moving bus, I wasn’t very certain. But it did remind me that I had asked for a sign in connecting those dandelion fluffs to signs from my Angels and Guides.

As the bus was pulling up to the stop in front of the mall, I remembered thinking if that hadn’t been my final sign from them, then they needed to hurry it up as I was only going to be out for a short period and evening would soon be upon us.

I got off the bus, began heading in the direction of the mall and suddenly, I saw something white flying towards me. As I watched its approach, I started to laugh. As it drew closer, I reached out and gently caught it in my hands.

It wasn’t a dandelion fluff. But it was sign enough.

In fact, it was something that I had received from them (in almost the same manner) last autumn when I had also asked for a sign. Last autumn, it practically blew right into my face and I almost spun out of its path until I noticed what it was. I like to believe it was their way of saying, “You want a sign? OK, you can’t miss this one!”

And then today, instead of almost spinning out of its way, I saw it, laughed and held out my hands to catch it. I guess I’ve come a long way since last autumn.

My angels had sent me a little white feather.

What had me laughing even more? In the air, as it flew towards me, the feather actually resembled a dandelion fluff.

Coincidence? Nope. Synchronicity. I believe♥

Don't Put it Off

The other morning, I was in the bathroom ready to take a shower. I turned on the water, picked up my bar of soap, stepped into the bath and began to draw the curtains. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something go flying into the bath.

Startled and operating solely on instinct, I leapt out of the tub and lost my hold on the bar of soap. Once I found the soap (which had traveled quite a bit of distance), I turned my attention back to the shower. There, crawling across the floor of the tub, desperately trying to escape the running water, was the rather large unidentified insect I had seen a few days before.

Background: Several days prior to the aforementioned scene, I had walked into the bathroom to find this insect perched on the wall. As I looked at it my first thought was, “That’s a very large insect.” I don’t have a smart phone so I couldn’t take a picture to research what it was, and honestly, even if I had a smart phone, I don’t believe I would have used it to play National Geographic Insect Photographer. On the heels of the, “That’s a very large insect” came, “Normally, I would find a way to catch you and let out. But you’re really quite too large for me to deal with right now, and I’m not very confident that you’ll make it easy for me to catch you and release you into the wild suburbs of Brooklyn. So, I’m going to walk away with the hopes that someone else who lives in this house will help you in whatever way s/he can.” And so I walked away.

Later that evening, I cautiously entered the bathroom and after a painstakingly deliberately slow search, found no signs of it. The next time I went in, I did the same thing. Inevitably, my concern at finding the insect waned with every visit I made to the bathroom. But as I now watched it struggling to escape the water from the shower, a part of me admitted to knowing (akin to a sixth sense) that it had never left the bathroom.

Epilogue: I recount this experience as a reminder to face, head on, that which can be faced in the moment, instead of leaving it to someone else. Had I been braver about making an effort to help the insect escape the house two days ago, I wouldn’t have had the experience of our reunion a few days later.

I am sad to report that the unidentified flying insect ended up in a watery grave. I was actually quite upset at not being able to help it and went as far as to say a prayer for it.

Later that morning, I was waiting on the subway platform to make my second connection to take me to work. I had been singing to myself. I hadn’t done that in a while—singing out loud, albeit to myself, in public. And I was singing a song I hadn’t thought of in ages; Let the River Run by Carly Simon. Next thing I knew, I felt what I believe to be a flying insect, swoop by, brush against my lower lip, and speed away. I remember clearly thinking, “It’s almost as if that insect just kissed me!”

Personally, I'd like to believe this meant I had been forgiven for the role I played in the earlier insect encounter.

It clearly felt like an open and shut case of Kiss and Run ;)

Just sharing :)

The Gift in the Situation

I went to church this morning. I set up camp close to the end of a pew, spoke to God and the Company of Heaven from my heart, and then took my seat, waiting for the service to begin.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man coming into the pew. Without giving it a second thought, I turned my body so he could move past me and acquire a seat. As I did this, I looked up at him, and he smiled. But instead of crossing in front of me, he sat down next to me, usurping my coveted position as closest person to the end of the pew.

He was an older gentleman and a quick assessment of his energy came back as affable. So I smiled back at him and then turned my attention towards the front of the church. This movement afforded me the opportunity to clearly see all the pews with end of seat vacancies. I counted at least 4.

As I was about to begin questioning, “Why me” in my mind, I remembered the sparrows, and the starlings I had seen on my walk over to the church. It occurred to me that I had happened upon them and had been cheerful at noting their presence. In fact, whenever I see birds (and most outdoor animals), I tend to feel like they were sent to wake me up from being in my own world and many of the encounters leave me smiling or sending thoughts of love and a greeting as I pass them by. Well, this thought triggered another recollection—part of the conversation I had with God when I had first entered the pew. I had specifically thanked Him for all the people He brought into my life and said I trusted that they showed up to teach me/gift me something.

So, thinking back to the man sitting next to me, I began to list the gifts in his showing up and the manner in which he showed up. On a basic, physical level, there was the gift of awareness-- he reminded me to be present to the presence of others. On a spiritual level, he helped me to exercise my clairsentience (I had sent out energetic feelers and felt his kind and gentle energy in return). On an emotional level, he gave me a chance to feel some light and love through the mutual exchange of a smile. And on a mental level, he reconnected me to my thoughts about bird encounters, as well as to the prayer I had said earlier.

In some ways, the aforementioned serve as added bonuses. They made it possible for me to make peace with no longer sitting at the end of the pew. I had happily missed the potential 45 minute (length of service) internal roller coaster ride I like to call, grumbling. I have been on that ride a few times before--yes, even while at church. It’s not a ride I’d recommend to anyone ;)

Just sharing:)

PRACTICING CONSCIOUSNESS-- PAYING ATTENTION TO MY FEELINGS

Maya Angelou says, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”


I had an exchange with someone and at the end of it I felt I had given more than I had received. I had shared more of my heart and although what I received was OK, something in me knew that it was clearly not as open as what I had proffered.

I thought about this for some time.

This was/is a nice person—has been in all of our interactions. But something was nagging me about the whole thing and I wanted to get to the bottom of it.

Since I knew I was reacting from the perspective that something didn’t unfold the way I wanted it to, I remembered to use Louise L. Hay’s Forgiveness Affirmation from her book, You Can Heal Your Life. “I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free.” I repeated this a few times.

And then I went back to thinking. And then I realized what the issue was.

When I first met this person, I had felt this same exact feeling. In fact, in all of our exchanges, I have been the one to initiate from the heart, I feel, and have 90% of the time, was left feeling unsatisfied.

Now, this is not the other person’s “fault.” I was shown from the beginning how this relationship was—and that’s not to say that relationships can’t change (after all life changes)—but since I have consistently been shown this, it’s not fair for me to get upset. I had registered this on some level of consciousness, but it wasn’t until this recent exchange and my willingness to understand why I was feeling the way that I was feeling, that it finally sank in.

So, moving forward, I can either accept that this is how this relationship will always be and make peace with it. Or I can say something to this person—not with the intention of trying to change them—just speaking from the heart. Or, I can take more responsibility for balancing the energy that I choose to put into the relationship and come to a decision that I genuinely feel good about.

My feelings were communicating to me all along. I’m glad I finally slowed down enough and consciously chose to listen♥ -- I.O.

A Word about Assumption

Yesterday, at the end of the work day, I found myself standing in a very crowded subway train. In preparation for the 45 minute commute home, I claimed space next to one of the doors.

As the train doors began to close, a little boy, possibly a first or second grader, ran inside, leaving his mother and a slightly older child standing on the subway platform.
Immediately, the mother made a beeline for the door and at the same time called out to the child, “Don’t ever do that--”

Her statement was cut short as the train doors began to close. Her hands were partially inside the subway car, but the rest of her, including the other child, was still very much standing on the platform.

Meanwhile, the child inside the car noticed this, and began to shriek. Underscored by his shrieking, a few seconds of struggle ensued before the mother was finally able to pry open the doors and get herself and the other child inside. Once inside, she soothed the still shrieking child and calmly began to explain to him what he could have done if she had not been able to get on the train.

While I was awarded a ring side seat to the unfolding action, there were many passengers who only saw a shrieking child being comforted by his mother. One such passenger, one person over from where I was standing, assumed the mother had encouraged the child to run on. He said something to the effect that he wanted to hit Parents who would allow their children to be used in such a way and allow them to be traumatized in such a manner. He said this out loud to the passenger next to him.

Next thing I knew, I heard myself telling him that the child ran on first and the mother was in the midst of scolding him when the train doors began to close in on her. When the passenger understood she was not at fault, he apologized for jumping to conclusions and thanked me for speaking up.

And to his credit, when he got off the train about 30 minutes later, he thanked me again. — I.O.

LISTENING (Exercising the Clairs)

This morning I tuned in to my GAIA ORACLE deck by Toni Carmine Salerno. I finished clearing the deck, asked for assistance and protection from AA Michael and AA Raphael, and then tuned inwards. With this particular deck, I wait to hear/see/sense a number and then count the cards from the top of the deck until I arrive at that number. Then I draw that card, trusting that it contains the necessary message from Spirit.

This morning, I tuned in and received the number 1. Still listening, I also received the number 4. I wasn't sure how to proceed and so I asked again and waited. When I couldn't decipher anything else, I decided to go with my first instinct by drawing the first card from the top of the deck.

I turned it around. It was card #14!



Later in the morning, a friend placed the following post on a social networking site:


"How about a little game???

I have one ring on my hands... its located on my ring finger of my right hand... it has a ________ quartz (semi precious stone) in the middle and 2 little diamonds on each side.

The winner will get a past present future reading with my new Mary Queen of Angels Oracle Cards :).

Don't forget to use your intuitiveness... Begin guessing now..."



Well, I tuned in and asked AA Zadkiel for help. I received the word "Citrine." Wondering if this stone was a type of quartz, I went on line and did some research. Satisfied with my findings, I tuned in again and repeated my request for help. This time I received the word, Yellow. I did some research again and learned that Citrine could be associated with being a Yellow Topaz-like color--this particular search listed the color range as yellow, amber to amber brown. I returned to my friend's post and submitted my answer.

A few minutes later she announced the results.

I was the winner!


I. Love. This...ALL. OF. THIS.

I am listening more and more. I am tuning in to listen more and more. I have been asking AA Zadkiel to help me in remembering things more and more and all my requests have been fulfilled within a matter of seconds--definitely less than a minute. In fact, in the last two days, I have drawn the LISTENING card from DV's Daily Guidance From your Angels Oracle deck. I interpret this card as advice, as well as a prediction made manifest. Here is the message from my GAIA card this morning:

14. Purification (Fire)
Bare Essentials, The Naked Truth, Wholeness

What is it that your heart truly desires? What do you perceive is missing in your life? In order to find the answers you must look into your heart. You already know this but have been reluctant to look because a part of you fears what your heart is trying to tell you. The only way forward is to face your fear. Something in your life is not working out as you would have liked and it's not going to get any better unless you have the courage to face it. Close your eyes and relax. Imagine a beautiful flame, warming your heart and soul. Feel its purifying and healing light burning away your fears and doubts, healing your body and mind and clearing away all obstacles either imagined or real. Feel your heart center as an endless space full of only love and light. Feel the peace. You are safe in this eternal space of light. Now, what is your heart saying? When it brings a tear to your eye, you will know that it is your truth. Your soul will guide you towards happiness; all you need to do is follow. Trust!

-------AFFIRMATION: I listen to my heart and follow its guidance/ I deserve to be happy/ I have the power to create my reality/ I trust that all will work out well/ My life is clear of obstacles

Synchronicity--Tuning In, Tapping In

A friend told me recently that when he draws cards for people, he uses the cards more so as a guide—as an addition to the intuitive messages he receives—to help in being specific about the message being communicated.

Well, I began doing that today as a way to also strengthen my trust in my connection to spirit and the messages that come through.

I drew the following card for myself this evening.

BLESSING IN DISGUISE—“What appears to be a problem is actually part of your answered prayer. You’ll understand the reasons behind your present situation as everything resolves. Trust in heaven’s protection and infinite wisdom to answer your prayer in the best way. The angels sent you this card to help you recognize the blessings in the midst of an apparent challenge. What you’ve appeared to have lost needed to fall away, and will be replaced with something better. Have no fear for your future, but continue praying and following the guidance that come to you through repetitive feelings, thoughts, visions, and words. Additional meanings: *One door closes, another one opens* The “how” is up to God with respect to the best way to answer prayers* Release the need to control and predict the outcome to this situation* Trust*”

After drawing the card, I tuned in to see what I would receive.

“Feather,” the number “8,” and “Egypt.”

I knew that “Feather” meant spirit was with me and with its appearance I was being told the messages I was receiving was truly from them (a sign from them). But I wasn’t sure about the #8 or Egypt. So I went on the internet and found the following site: http://www.ridingthebeast.com/numbers/nu8.php

As I scrolled through, my eyes landed on the following: “Number of the balance and of the cosmic order, according to the Egyptians.”
Shut. The. Front. Door.
Here, before my very eyes was a link between the #8 and Egypt!
And the information resonated with the information in the BLESSING IN DISGUISE card: trust in the perfection of all that is unfolding as all is balanced and in alignment with cosmic order.
I know there has to be more to “Egypt” coming up for me and I’m looking forward to what that part of the message is trying to bring to my conscious attention. I think it’s connected to a past life and someone that I was close to in that life. This person and I will actually be working together in the next couple of months and so, I shall be ever vigilant to see if that is the connection. And if the connection is not there, that’s OK. I’m trusting I will be led to the answer I am seeking.

And I’m excited about it!

I love this!

~”As long as my heart beats love, my surroundings fit me like a glove.”~

Wonderful Confirmation!

I was on a Practice Reading Thread today (a thread where people ask for messages/ readings from different types of Readers) and I saw a lady’s request for one such message. Let’s call her, Seeker.

Seeker had been on the site about ten hours prior, doing readings. She had also mentioned that she would like one as well. I noticed she had done readings for several people, but I was unable to locate any that may have been done for her.

Well, I decided to rectify this.

I did my prep and then closed my eyes and thought of her name. Almost immediately, I had a sense/image of a pale, pale blue color—almost white. My first thought was, Mother Mary? Complete with the question mark, as I wasn’t completely certain. I had also received the words, “Flowers in the Spring time.”

I paused to write the color information and the words down and then I picked up the first deck and proceeded to shuffle. I drew the first card from the Daily Guidance from Your Angels deck by Doreen Virtue, and laid it face down on my bed. Next, I shuffled Doreen Virtue’s Archangel Oracle deck and two cards fell out-- fell askew--presented themselves from the rest of the pack. I stopped shuffling and laid those two cards face down on the bed as well. I had now drawn three cards for Seeker.

Turning over the first card, I saw the prominence of the color blue in the image. This card was titled, “Heart Chakra.” The next card was from Archangel Haniel and it was titled, “Sensitivity,” and the final card from Archangel Jeremiel was titled “All Is Well.”

Looking back at my notes on the color, I felt the need to learn more about its possible significance. So, I went on the internet, did a search for Archangels and their colors and came across the following link: http://www.yourangelsguidance.com/archangel1.html.

As I was scrolling through, I discovered that Archangel Haniel’s aura color was Bluish White. I was about to continue scrolling some more, when I felt a light kick on the right side of my butt. A single kick. Gentle, yet unmistakable.

In that moment, I intuitively knew that the color I had seen was connected to Haniel and that she wanted me to let Seeker know of her presence (I think of Haniel as feminine). Furthermore, as I looked back at Seeker’s spread, and saw Archangel Haniel’s “Sensitivity” card, I realized that it was also a message for me.

The message for me was, be sensitive to all the clues I receive, particularly when doing a reading for someone else. I had been given a color image, cards had fallen out on their own, I had felt prompted to do extra research thereby landing on the website that told me whose color I had seen, and then I’d noticed the single kick to the butt alerting me to pay attention. Putting together all the pieces of the puzzle led to a wonderful realization about the strengthening of my gifts, as well as giving me the opportunity to give Seeker the reading/message she had requested.

I posted Seeker’s reading, and must now play the waiting game to see if she will respond.

But even if she doesn’t, I’ve gotten what I believe to be invaluable confirmation by receiving that kick and by Archangel Haniel showing up in the spread.

I love this!


"As Long as my heart beats love, my surroundings fit me like a glove." <3