Forgiveness is difficult when we still see the other persons involved as guilty. When we see someone as guilty, sometimes s/he does something that we feel we would never do and therefore can never understand how someone else could do it. And sometimes when we see others as guilty, it’s because they’ve done something that we may have done in the past and have not forgiven ourselves for and to see it “outside” ourselves reminds us we’ve placed this behavior in solitary confinement (as a way of shaming it and refusing to “dirty” our hands with it) as opposed to compassionately welcoming it in for the sole purpose of understanding it, forgiving and then letting go. Ultimately, in both scenarios, it comes down to guilt. A genuine desire in your beautiful heart to stop seeing the other party as guilty is key. It’s not going to happen overnight, but genuinely focusing your energy on this as opposed to just on “forcing” forgiveness will move you closer to drawing the assistance that you need to genuinely let go and ultimately, forgive.
There’s also something in it where we might be trying to force others to be a certain way as opposed to letting them be the way that they are choosing to be. Sometimes it helps to remember that everyone is really doing the best that they can in any given moment—even if Person A’s best appears “suspect.” The thing is Person A’s best is comprised of where Person A is in life and how Person A was raised and what Person A has come to accept as his/her way of coping and interacting with the world at this point in time of his/her life.
There was an affirmation I posted on the page sometime ago that I’ve used as a mantra to help retrain my mind when I’ve met with resistance to forgiving. I share it again with the hopes that it helps.
“I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free.”—Louise L. Hay, from the book, You Can Heal Your Life.
Perhaps coupling it with a genuine desire to work through letting go of seeing all parties involved as guilty, will make even more of a difference.
And please remember that having the desire to forgive is an immense step towards reclaiming your inner peace. The conscious desire—even if how to go about it seems momentarily elusive—is a huge step towards healing. And if you've chosen to take that step, then please consider taking another step and looking at the underlying beliefs of guilt that could benefit from being gently and compassionately addressed so that more forgiveness can truly come in and be experienced by you and extended to all parties involved♥ Cheering. You. On♥