Originally posted on FB on Oct. 9th 2013♥
“I leave you free to be yourself, to think your thoughts, to indulge your taste, follow your inclinations, behave in any way that you decide is to your liking.”-- Anthony De Mello from The Way to Love, The Last Meditations of Anthony De Mello
I recently had an interaction with someone who wanted me to change my mind regarding a decision I had made. She wanted me to attend a function and everything inside of me said, “No.”
She kept trying to sway me, but I held my ground firmly stating that if I was able to make it I would let her know but for now, I would not be attending. Well, when I got off the phone, my mind kept replaying the scene and I found myself, on several occasions, tempted to be upset that she would try to force me to do something against my clearly stated will.
And then I had an “a-ha!” moment.
I realized that I was finding her and her actions guilty, as opposed to giving her the freedom to think and believe what she wanted to believe. And in fact, in some ways, I was doing to her what she had tried to do to me—finding her guilty because she didn’t see things MY way. And, in all honesty, by choosing to find her guilty, I was choosing to give away my peace of mind. But why give away my peace of mind? After all, I had already made my decision, so why keep replaying the situation as though my right to decided had been taken away from me?
Sometime ago, I memorized the quoted passage from Anthony De Mello’s book. I memorized it as a mantra to help me heal my perceptions regarding the aftermath of a romantic relationship. Well, it just so happened to pop into my head as the answer to my current dilemma—that of finding someone guilty for not being the way I wanted her to be. So, now, when I’m tempted to replay this situation, when I’m tempted to see guilt, I’ll just say that mantra over and over until it becomes my automatic internal response. This way, I stand by my right to make my own decisions and at the same time give her the freedom to believe what she chooses to believe. This way, we're both free. I believe:)