You Mirror My Healing

This thought came to me today as I was going through one of my Angel card decks.

I attract either that which needs to be healed (i.e. healed in me) or I attract that which contributes to my healing (i.e. that which contributes to my feeling healed).

The first part of that statement can be found in a scenario where I have attracted impatient people into my conscious experience. So, in that moment and for all future moments, to heal this inside of me, I need to realize and make peace with the importance of being more patient with others.

The second part of the statement can be illustrated in a scenario where someone unexpectedly makes eye contact with me and smiles. This in turn gives me an opportunity to smile back (personal choice/free will of course). Now, this exchange has the potential to raise my spirits (particularly if I had been feeling disconnected from feelings of love and abundance--which I personally believe is always around me if I would just take the time to notice).

Later in the day, I happened to have a conversation with my father that led me to do some research on chakras. We were talking about a physical issue and I wanted to see it's spiritual/energetic connection. I subscribe to the school of thought that anything that has manifested as a physical issue was first created energetically.

According to a general internet search via google, one definition of chakras is as follows: "(in Indian thought) Each of the centers of spiritual power in the human body, usually considered to be seven in number."

Well, when I looked up the energetic component of the physical issue, imagine my joy at it's synchronistic connection to my earlier thought about relationships. Caroline Myss is an internationally renowned speaker in the field of human consciousness, spirituality and mysticism, energy medicine and medical intuition. According to Caroline Myss' Chakra Model, Chakra #2's Sacred Truth: Honor One Another reads, "Every relationship you develop from casual to intimate, helps you become more conscious. No union is without Spiritual value."


I love it when I notice synchronicity. It tells me the Universe is speaking to me and I'm listening :)

For more information on her chakra models, hold your cursor directly on the chakra of interest at the following link: http://www.myss.com/chakra/chakrasflash.asp

WARM FOOT TINGLES

On Thursday, Dec. 6th, 2012, I received the left toe foot tingling again.

I was at work and so I looked around trying to see what I was being asked to pay attention to. I saw nothing out of the ordinary. After some time, the tingling stopped, and so I continued with my day.

Later that evening, I came home and logged on to one of my social networking sites and found a friend request from someone who I had deleted sometime ago.

I immediately knew that the foot tingling was connected to her reappearance in my life.

I had disconnected from her a few years back because I needed to get to a place of forgiveness for her and for myself and the only way I knew to do it, was to sever all ties. We had been having communication problems and we had both approached it passive aggressively. The final straw for me was when she didn’t respond to my last message to her. Since I could feel the toxic emotions of anger beginning to take firmer root, I released myself from their increasingly tightening grip by clicking, Delete.

As I walked away, I prayed that I would get to a place of forgiveness for my perception of her actions and forgiveness for my perception of my feelings.

Looking back at the screen at her Friend request, I knew that this was also connected to the card I mentioned in my previous post—the card my friend had drawn for me from the HEALING WITH FAIRIES DECK BY DOREEN VIRTUE, the card titled PROBLEM RESOLVED.

I looked into my heart and when I was certain, I looked up again and this time accepted the Friend request.

Later, when I discussed this with my friend, Rachel May, she said that the warm foot tingles was a great sign of my personal guidance working and that from an intuitive anatomy perspective, feet represent moving forward in direction and in life.

Well, dear angels and archangels, bring on the warm foot tingles!

CONDUIT

There has been a lot happening in my life. I’m not going to do a recap here, but perhaps in sharing the following, you’ll get a clear idea.

This morning (Dec. 4th,2012), after requesting a message for the day from God and the Angels, I drew a card from Doreen Virtue’s Daily Guidance from Your Angels Oracle Deck.

Turning the card around, I read the words, BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. After mulling it over for a bit, I had a pretty good idea what it was referring to.

Yesterday, a lady asked me for a reading via personal messaging on a social networking website. I had actually given her one via a practice reading thread some time ago. That was our only interaction to date. The reading thread is a forum where people volunteer to be read while others can volunteer to be readers.

I was surprised that she had contacted me personally, especially because she never gave me feedback on the general thread regarding the first reading I had given to her. But I did want to help and so I went ahead and pulled some cards for her, sending the new reading before I went to bed.

Well, this morning when I woke up, I logged on saw that she had checked the message but that she had not replied.

I looked down at my card again. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF.

Honestly, thinking back to her message, I knew there was more I had wanted to say. I was concerned that if I didn’t speak up, she could very well keep asking me to pull cards for her via personal messaging, indefinitely. In this particular case, my intuition was telling me to honor my energy's request to set up boundaries.

So taking the angels’ message to heart, I penned an additional reply. In it, I brought up the BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF card. I told her that I adored being of service—which is absolutely true, I really do like to help—but that in the future, I preferred that she wait until I was volunteering on a reading thread before asking me to do one for her. I also encouraged her to get some angel cards and practice with them, as we all have the ability to have a personal dialogue with spirit at any time.

As I was writing, I felt as though my left toe was burning.
It was an intense sensation, but I was focused on finishing the message, so I didn’t think too much about it.

Sometime later, one of the friends that I had pulled single cards for, wrote back saying she wanted to draw one for me as well. I tried to dissuade her, telling her she didn’t have to do that, as my initial gesture was a gift from the heart.
But she wrote back, insisting. So finally, I conceded.

A short time following this exchange, I again noticed the burning sensation in my left toe. I was now in a better position to notice it’s intensity (I had been preoccupied the last time).

I don’t know of any other way to describe it other than it felt as if the lower left side of my leg was on fire. As it intensified, or perhaps as my attention to it intensified, I found myself automatically opening a word document. I thought perhaps, Spirit was signaling they wanted to send a message through me (mind you, this has never happened before, but I wanted to be prepared for anything).

Typing, I asked the angels if someone was trying to tell me something. Pausing after the question mark, I waited. Nothing. And my left pinkie toe was still on fire. Not knowing what else to do, I mentally asked AA Raphael to help me.

I glanced back at the social networking site and saw my friend had sent me the card reading. At the very moment, I made this discovery, my toe stopped burning!!!

Using the HEALING WITH FAIRIES DECK BY DOREEN VIRTUE, She wrote:

“Your card jumped out as I knew it would! :)
(The name of the card was) Problem Resolved <3

Card meaning: an issue that's been bothering you is being healed behind the scenes. The solution is creative, ingenious, and is a joyous surprise for you.
– You’re on the cusp of experiencing welcome relief from a problem that's been bothering you. The fairies want you to know that you have reason to smile, as Heaven is working on the solution that is so creative that you'll chuckle with the light at God since of humor. Basically, it's a win – win for everyone. You'll soon be receiving good news, such as the healing of a strained relationship, and unexpected financial resource, a resolved health issue, I happy addition to your home, a new career opportunity, or romantic proposal. Please don't strain to figure out "how" this solution will be achieved, or in what form it will manifest.
Instead, let yourself enjoy feelings of excitement and gratitude as you allow us to help you.
Affirmation: I ask that all effects of mistakes and misunderstandings be undone, both in past and present.

So much Love and appreciation to you for simply being you! <3 “

In that moment, I knew that the toe burning sensation was connected to the message I had sent this morning. My toe was burning when I sent the message and now my toe was burning again because I had received confirmation that I had followed the advice from my first card. I felt I was basically being told, “You’re right on the money. You’re on fire!”

The information contained in the card that my friend had drawn was a response from Spirit verifying that I did do the right thing and everything was fine!

This appears to be another clear way in which Spirit chooses to communicate with me!

I LOVE IT!! I’m so excited for more!

Thank you, God and sweet Angels!!!!

ANGEL NUMBERS

I woke up this morning, glanced over and realized, in horror, that my cell phone had traveled overnight and was now wedged between my bed and the wall next to said bed. Immediately, I reached out, trying to grasp the bit I could see, praying that it wouldn't make the long tumble from where it currently was, down to the hard wood floor below, praying that I’d get to it before gravity did.

Gravity won.

Quickly, I threw off my covers, jumped up, and covering the terrain underneath my bed, scurried across the floor. Reaching out, I cradled my phone, and after careful examination, uttered a sigh of relief. Everything appeared to be fine.

As I perused the cell phone screen, I noted the time. 8:50 AM. I then made a vow to never sleep with my phone on my bed again and took steps to locate a better suited perch for it-- a perch that would allow me to hear the morning alarms I had set and, at the same time, allow me to hit the snooze button if I felt I could afford to sleep a bit longer ;p

I then went on the internet to read my emails and check on a particular message board. I was specifically looking for a response from a lady whose past postings mentioned personal dissatisfaction regarding where she was in her life. In my last post to her, I had asked her to tell me about her dream life/ job etc. And this morning’s response proffered answers to those queries.

After reading the message, I felt inspired to take action. It was the same general feeling I had experienced when I first asked her to send the reply detailing her ideal life situation. But now, I felt the inspiration asking me to go a step further. I now felt inspired to write out an affirmation for her.

I've never purposely done that for anyone before.

But desiring to be of genuine help, desiring this to come from my heart, I immediately asked for Divine assistance. I asked for help in formulating it in a way that could be accessible for her. As soon as I’d made my request, and as soon as I had decided to follow the impulse to write, the morning alarm on my cell phone went off.

In that moment, hearing that alarm felt as though the Universe had agreed to help me. Aside from the fact that it was my morning alarm, it felt like a wake-up call, both literally and figuratively. I felt such a strong connection between its ringing at that exact moment and my readiness to take this step to help. I had asked the angels for their aide and in a way, it was as though they chimed in, reassuring me that all would be as I had requested. I noticed the time. 9:35 AM.

I have taken a recent interest in Angel Numbers and have been checking out the meanings via this website: http://sacredscribesangelnumbers.blogspot.com/2012/01/angel-number-850.html

Below are the two interpretations for the two sets of numbers I “happened” to notice this morning. I don’t believe in the term coincidence. I believe in synchronicity. I believe that the Universe is always speaking to us and I’m ready to pay attention to every bit, every clue, and every advice that my intuition leads me to notice.

850: Angel Number 850 suggests that the efforts you have made towards changing your life for the better and living your personal spiritual truths have been acknowledged by the angelic and spiritual realms. The angels wish to congratulate and commend you on your diligence and determination and send you blessings, love, encouragement and support. You are urged to continue making positive changes in your life that will lead to personal happiness and success on many levels.

935: Angel Number 935 is a message regarding the important life choices and positive changes you are making (or are about to make) in your life. Trust that these changes are in alignment with your life path and soul mission and have been Divinely inspired. Your prayers and positive affirmations have been heard and are being responded to in the form of new opportunities and circumstances that will propel you along your Divine life path and soul purpose. Have faith and trust in your intuitive messages and take action accordingly.

Both numbers spoke to my heart. Both numbers felt like confirmations that all my prayers and recent actions were truly in alignment with my soul’s purpose.

In fact, as I'm coming to an end in writing this post, I just looked at the clock. 8:14 pm. Checking the site for it’s meaning, I smiled.

814: Angel Number 814 indicates that you are fully supported by the Universe, the angels and Archangels, and all that you will ever need will be supplied as required. The persistent work and effort you have put towards living your personal truths has ensured that solid foundations have been laid. Give any fears, concerns or worries to the angels for healing and transmutation, and stay positive and optimistic in order to manifest your highest good.

Thanks guys:)

“As long as my heart beats love, my surroundings fit me like a glove.” <3

AHA MOMENT-- HOW TO REALLY LET GO!!!

A “small” note on the sometimes disconnect between thoughts and feelings in regards to "letting go."

My Moon Reading in late September brought up my need to let go of the past and the need for balance. At first I didn't get it—I genuinely thought I was/had been doing that. But I was given an affirmation and so I decided to keep it up for the month as was suggested.

A few days after the reading, I drew the Let Go of the Past card and the Balance card during my personal sessions—one deck had both cards! I knew in that moment, without a doubt, that the Moon Reading was spot on and drawing the cards confirmed it. And in the days that followed, the themes of balance and forgiveness and letting go of the past came up in all my cards (from different decks) in one form or another. I knew then that this was of great importance to my growth. I took it seriously and said the affirmation every night and sometimes during the day.

Recently, I received some long distance energy healing from a lady I had "never met before." She gave me a message that I needed to resolve the difference between my thoughts and feelings--that sometimes old feelings are not released and that even though we THINK differently, we still FEEL the same. And that it was time for me to express the old stuff and really let it go.

Ding, Ding, Ding! This lady did not know about my Moon Reading or the results of my personal sessions. But she hit the nail on the head on that topic of accurately letting go! On top of that, I now knew exactly what it was referring to. I had clear examples come to mind of saying one thing—“I let go of this situation and such and such person”-- THINKING one thing, but not fully FEELING it--not going back to make certain I released the feelings as well. In some cases, I wallowed in the feeling of holding on to the grievance as a victim, thereby coloring any subsequent interaction with the people involved.

So, basically, not really letting go--talking the talk, but not walking the walk, ya dig?

I say all this to ask you to check in with yourself in your “letting go” affirmations. You could be affirming it, but not fully feeling it. Or perhaps even acting in ways that undercuts truly feeling it, by playing the same tune over and over again, hence cancelling out the efforts of thinking/intellectually affirming "Letting go."

I desire to heal all possible disconnects between the mind and the heart. I desire to heal by playing a conscious role in my healing.

"As long as my heart beats love, my surroundings fit me like a glove." <3

Backdating

There are a few things I want to go back and mention on this blog, so I'm doing it here. I didn't note them here when they occurred, but I want to do so now.


SEPT. 29 2012


Some days ago (maybe a week or so), after meditating, I took a short nap where I had a dream that I was in communication. There were two names. The one I didn't recognize and so, alas, I didn't hold on to it--although it started with the letter C. The other was the name Abel. Then, I felt what I can only describe as a light but distinct, single kick/nudge on the right side of my butt--as though indicating, "OK enough of that, it's time to get up now." It made me laugh and still makes me laugh thinking about it now. My internal response at the time was something along the lines of, "OK, thanks for the physical contact! It doesn't get any clearer-- I'm getting up!" Thing is, I don't know the significance of the name Abel and I don't remember what transpired in the dream. I also don't know an Abel--the exception being the story about Cain's brother from the Old Testament.



OCT. 3RD 2012


I spoke to a few folks about my dream and the upshot of the conversation is as follows:

Experiencing that kick was such a gift because I had no doubts that it had occurred--that I had experienced it in physical matter reality with my physical senses-- and I had no doubts that it had originated from Spirit. And now, hindsight being 20/20, the more I've thought about the word "able" as opposed to the name "Able" as being right on the mark, it makes so much sense that the action that followed it (getting "kicked") was a continuation of the dream state message--you are able, so get up and get going :D

So, I'm heeding the message and I'm taking action ;)


OCT. 7TH 2012

There have been some absolutely beautiful, tear inducing, heart stopping synchronicities with my personally administered Oracle deck card sessions and a Moon Reading I received a week ago. When I first received the Moon reading, I was not completely convinced because I thought I had been working on the topics that were brought up. And then I began to see the same topics in my Oracle card sessions. Not only in one but in all three decks!! I think I started crying, but I was mostly grateful and kind of in awe. It's just so affirming! I'm excited for what is unfolding and grateful for more and more comprehension, clarity, guidance. SO EXCITED :)

It's Just a Little Touch ;)

I was running late today and so I asked the angels for help in getting to a certain place by a certain time. I got on the subway, put on some music and closed my eyes. At one point during the commute, I looked at my watch and was thrilled to see I was making great time (totally attributing this to asking for their help)and so I closed my eyes again.

Sometime later, I felt as though I was straddling the worlds of "real" life and the beginning stages of sleep. I heard the train system announce the stop before my stop, but somehow thought I had more time before my actual stop. Well, as I sat there with eyes closed, I felt a gentle, but definite touch on my right arm--as though someone's thumb and forefinger came together to apply a light squeeze to an area above my elbow. As it occurred I remembered thinking it felt like I was being told to pay attention. And I remembered almost not taking it too seriously-- in fact, I remembered thoughtfully considering whether it actually meant I should open my eyes. Luckily, I moved from considering to taking action and opened my eyes just as the train doors swung open to my stop! If I hadn't felt the squeeze, there was a really great chance that I would have missed my exit point!

You better believe I gave them a silent THANK YOU! I also told them to feel free to keep on communicating with me in that way and to feel free to do it with more oomphf.

This is the third time in the last two months that I've felt and noticed this "outside" touch/ call to action on different parts of my anatomy. LOVE IT!

Divine Synchronicity

I was headed over to a friend's for a Reiki Massage session this evening.

On the way, I asked for Divine assistance from God, specific Archangels, etc and also asked that my friend be able to help me release anything that I was ready to let go of, as well as communicate a message to me from Spirit. I wasn’t going to tell her my prayer—I just hoped I’d get something without having to verbally bring it up.

While I was sitting outside her Apt. Bldg., I was looking down at my phone, checking my txts. Suddenly there was a gust of wind and I looked up just in time to see something flying straight for my face.

Thinking it was debris of some sort, I spun backwards to get out of its path. But as I was spinning, my focus sharpened on said object and to my delight, I realized it was a little feather! Instinctively, I reached out and grabbed it. And then I laughed with glee. And then I gave thanks because I felt it had been Divinely catapulted right into my face! (I've been seeing feathers on the ground since this summer and last week I remember requesting a unique feather experience from them. Well, hello?!! I think this feather smacking me in the face was a unique enough experience). But wait, there’s more.

When I got upstairs, I mentioned this to my friend and she immediately agreed that it was a sign and then she said to me that the Angels were probably telling me that there was nothing to worry about. Her choice of words drew another glee filled laugh!!!

I got my message from my friend--the message I had asked the Angels to give me through my friend when I was making my way over to the session!

You see, I have several Angel Oracle card decks and the last couple of days, one of the cards I have consistently drawn--and is actually the first card for a five day card spread that I drew for this week, says in bold: "THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT." (And because of the image on the card, I decided when I drew it yesterday (I affirmed loudly) that anytime I drew this card from now on, I would accept it as a message from Archangel Michael--or know that he was with me).

So to recap: Last week I ask for a unique feather experience and this week I get smacked in the face by a little feather! Then this week I ask for an Angelic message. In response to my feather tale, unbidden, my friend says they're telling me not to worry. And that message just happens to be the first card I drew for this week's five day spread using Doreen Virtue's Daily Guidance from Your Angels' Oracle Card deck. It all feels so beautifully synchronistic :) So awesome:)

Just wanted to share :)

THAT QUESTION OF MARRIAGE

Member of the General Populous: But don’t you want to get married?

Deliberately Mindful Member of the General Populous: You know what I’d REALLY want? To experience a loving relationship with another person comprised of the following ingredients: heart centered, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually Healthy for all directly involved, calls forth my compassion & passion, calls forth the fearlessness to open my heart/spirit, calls forth the strength and courage to speak from my heart always, calls forth the clarity to request guidance from my Higher Self at any given moment and expect said guidance, calls forth my ability to play, laugh, be courageous, inspire and be inspired, and reminds me how alive and capable and extraordinary I inherently am.

Member of the General Populous: You’re asking for a lot.
Deliberately Mindful Member of the General Populous: I’m worth it. So are you. So is everyone-- if that’s what they want. Honestly, that’s what I’m interested in and if it happens to include the label of marriage, well then, as long as I’ve clearly & deliberately defined the details, “Why not?”

***Or another way of putting it (to quote Neale Donald Walsch's Conversations With God): "purpose of your relationship is to create an opportunity, not an obligation—an opportunity for growth, for full Self expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about you, and for ultimate reunion with God through the communion of your two souls—if you take that vow instead of the vows you’ve been taking—the relationship has begun on a very good note. It’s gotten off on the right foot. That’s a very good beginning..."

Thinking out Loud

I heard something today and I want to make a note of it.

I've always subscribed to the idea that I’m on earth to learn lessons and pass with flying colors so as not to repeat those classes again. But today, someone described it more as being on earth (or in this focused consciousness to gain experiences) to live the experiences and not to place a pass/fail, negative/positive label on it.

One example of just accepting and going deeper into letting the experience live, the lady who gave the talk mentioned stubbing her toe. She was tempted to wallow in the pain and epic fail perception that stubbing her toe was wrong/should not have happened and that now, it was a negative and painful thing. But then, she consciously and verbally changed her perception of the event to accepting that she just had a stubbing-her-toe experience. And then, found herself laughing.

I can see how viewing it in this manner can be more productive and accepting of what a moment has to offer and I honestly find this shift in perception (allowing experiences to just be that--experiences) engaging.

While I was meditating this morning, a thought came to mind. When one is disappointed in someone else’s actions, is it fair to put the blame of disappointment on the other person? Isn’t the disappointment really a projection of the originator of the feeling because his/her hopes were not met? Looking at it this way, asks me to take ownership of my feelings. In any given situation, all the players have feelings and expectations. I am responsible for what I put out there. You are allowed to feel how you ultimately choose to feel. My sense of peace/happiness is not or cannot be dependent on something outside of myself and at the same time, if my peace is built on shaky ground and I end up feeling the effects of this earthquake, I should look back to myself/actions/thoughts and retrace my steps to moving in the direction of rebuilding on a foundation of inner peace.

There is a place where the aforementioned thoughts intersect.

While being mindful of what I’m putting out and why I’m putting the thought/energy out there, allow myself to accept what is as an experience. And then sift through the experiences and pay loving attention to those that feel inherently healthy so that I can consciously and subconsciously manifest more of that in my life experience.

Let other people/situations show up the way they show up in your life. In the case of people, speak up (if you are inspired to) and say what you feel the need to say but remember that at the end of the day, you are responsible for your happiness and blaming others takes your inherent power away from you. Blaming others is giving away your own power. Even if you really feel others are at fault, what steps can you take to truly get back to being closer to fine?

In situations that manifest, what would happen if you accepted instead of resisted the experience? I guess the proof is in the pudding...

RE: What's Behind the No."

Ultimately, if I am OK with just leaving my answer at "No," and I don't experience a defensive feeling, then that's fine too. If I am feeling defensive, then there is something there to be further investigated--some fear/anger based emotion that could use healing by being brought to light and I owe myself that--I like being able to contribute to my own healing/consciousness.

If I feel absolutely at peace with just saying, "No," and the other party appears to have a problem with my response, then that's OK too. The other person is entitled to feel how s/he chooses to feel ;)

What's Behind the "No?"

In the past, when I’ve been asked to do something I don’t want to do, I would say, “No,” and expect that to be the end of the conversation. When the person asking pushed me to give a reason, many times, I’d get even more defensive because I felt I was being asked to defend my stance when my simple, “No, I don’t want to,” should’ve sufficed.

Recently (today) it occurred to me that in the moments when I feel my “wall” going up, perhaps digging deeper into “Why I don’t want to,” could be helpful to both myself and the person asking.

I’ll admit, many times, I’ve just said, “No,” without getting to the root of “Why not.” But perhaps if I get to the root of “Why not,” I can truly check in with myself to see if I really want to stand by the “No.” Perhaps, “No” would have been apropos in the past. Or perhaps I’m automatically saying, “No,” because there is something about this situation that reminds me of an identical situation from the past but instead of investigating it fully, I’m taking the easy way out by being immediately dismissive (and in some ways perpetuating a belief that no longer hold true for where I am currently in my Life’s experience).

If after checking in, I find that the answer is still “No,” I can explain what is at the root of the “No,” making the explanation as much for myself as well as for the other person. Perhaps instead of immediately being defensive and taking the position that I am being challenged, I could choose to see the question of “Why not?” as a genuine, curious question (as opposed to a question being asked so that the other party can now try to convince me that I am wrong). If after shedding more light on “Why not?” it appears that the other party wants to change my mind and I’m not ready to make this change, then I can say, “Thank you for your opinion/ thank you for giving me another perspective, but at this time, I’m going to stand by my decision.”

And if there still seems to be a power struggle over who is making the right decision for my life, then I can choose to walk away instead of getting angry or I can turn it back to the other person and ask, “Why don’t you accept that I can make this decision for myself?” Or “as my friend, I really appreciate your insights/input, but trust me when I say I am making the best decision that I can make for myself at this point in time and if I’m making a mistake, then it’s my mistake to make.”

At the end of the day, an opinion is just that—an opinion and everyone is entitled to opinions. But my opinion for my life will ultimately trump anyone else’s.

Now, to put it into practice!

Ego Triping?

Sometimes I create something
And share it from my heart
But when there’s no acknowledgment of receipt
I am tempted to never share with those people again
Which leads me to think perhaps
It never came from my heart
But instead it came from my ego.
Otherwise why would I care so much?
Wanting to be appreciated,
I seek approval outside of myself,
Opening the door to chaos.

A Response

Wait.
Are we back on track?
Because I’ve gotten used to running on it alone…
I mean truth is you surprised me when you disappeared--
You just picked up the speed and left me behind.
But since then I’ve learned to run the race on my own,
And now, I mean, you reappear out of nowhere
Saying you’re interested in keeping the pace with me
But what happens if I have to stop and tie my shoelace?
It sounds funny, but I’m dead serious.
What happens if I get shin splints, side cramps, or heat stroke?
What happens if I get dehydrated and have to stop and get more water?
I guess what I’m sayin’ is I’ll share the track with you
And maybe sometimes we’ll happen to stride in step,
But I don’t know about planning on running it together--
I can’t make that promise after what went down before…
No hard feelings, but I’d rather just put my headphones on
And keep the pace with the beat of those songs

What am I Mourning?

What am I mourning?
Overcome with sadness
Sometimes I start to cry
Feeling less than I am
Feeling less than I feel I should be
Tears roll down my face
But every time I breathe
I know I get the chance to decide
Whether to keep crying or let the tears subside
And sometimes, without my choosing sides
The tears stop on their own
But still I sit and wonder
What am I mourning?

It's going to be fine

The fear of the unknown. The fear of starting over. The fear of it not working out.

Versus

The well wishes I genuinely feel for someone going off to do something he is passionate about. The certainty of mind that this is a wonderful new opportunity and that he is deserving of the bigger and better things it will undoubtedly yield. The certainty I feel that such a kind person is clearly being lifted/guided/assisted unto a path chosen by a Deus ex Machina presence.

One of my fantastic employees is leaving. He was the first new hire that went above and beyond my expectations. I am very happy for him and at the same time, tempted to worry about filling his position. I am comforted by the fact that no matter how many times I’ve been tempted to fret, the upshot of potential worrying has reminded me to trust that the same Angels of the Universe that made it possible for us to cross paths will bring me a perfect candidate.

Underneath it all, I am clear headed enough to believe that it's going to be fine. And because I believe this, I am affirming the best possible outcome for all involved.

ACIM Lesson: "I do not know what anything, including this, means. And so I do not know how to respond to it. And I will not use my own past learning as the light to guide me now.”

What the Moment Can Offer

Yesterday, I saw P____. It was the first time in a long time.

I was at the gym, about to begin my workout, and as I was walking over to my machine of choice, I saw him sitting at the next machine over.

I remember smiling to myself.

I remember a peaceful feeling of genuine easy flowing warmth.

I walked over and said, "Hello P____."

He smiled back and offered his hello.

Then we each turned to our machines and began our sets.

It felt fine. It was easy. There were no fear thoughts before or after.

I realized today that the difference in the interaction was I chose to engage with him in the moment without preconceived expectations. I'm sure my Inner Mantras of Letting Go also helped prepare me for that moment. But the gem of the interaction is the realization that I saw him in the moment. I engaged with him in the moment. I didn't shy away. I didn't allow myself to be less than. I wasn't seeing him through 2011 glasses. I claimed my space and it felt good and easy. I smiled, said hello, and allowed the unfolding of whatever the exchange was to be, to just be...