I was meditating today and below are two thoughts that came through for me. Sharing in case it’s helpful:
1) I am, me personally (taking into consideration my mental and emotional and physical health, my upbringing, my personal circumstances as these all play a part) am always responsible for how I choose to communicate. If for any reason I realize how I communicated wasn’t what I intended, then I can take steps to amend it. Folks on the receiving end are responsible for how they react/respond to said communication. But I play a part in the exchange, so I am fully responsible for how I choose to engage from the onset and in every unfolding moment of the interaction.
2) Speak up with love for your energy and in ways that would genuinely contribute to your wellbeing. Begin with that intention of coming from a healthy sense of value.
With the above, I was reminded of an exchange I had with an Urgent Care doctor a few years ago. It was a Saturday morning and I woke up feeling I needed to see someone. I’d never gone to an Urgent Care facility before, but at one point, someone had recommended a specific one—this person had a great experience with a particular physician—and so, with that in mind, I made the trip into the city. When I got there, I learned from the attendant on duty that the physician I was hoping to see was not scheduled that day, but there was someone else. I told the attendant my situation and he listened with such empathy and then encouraged me to tell the physician once I was called in. When I met with the physician, I told him what was going on with me. His first response, in what felt like a tone of exasperation and aggression, was something along the lines of, Do you see this office? As you can see, I don’t have any equipment to do more than I’m able! His tone was so unexpected and felt so energetically aggressive, I immediately felt myself shut down and turn inward. I continued the rest of my time with him from this place of being less than my full self.
Widening my perspective on the matter from where I am today, in that scenario, I would take a breath and then, as calmly and matter of factly as I could ground in, give voice to how even if he couldn’t give me the assistance that he felt I needed, his choosing to communicate with empathy would really go a long way.
Now, I understand he may not have had accessible stores of empathy available in that moment or, in general, was not empathy inclined. But by not shutting down, and instead taking that breath and intending to come from a place of lovingly contributing to my wellbeing, I could have used my voice in a way that would have been healthier and more beneficial to me, and perhaps (if he was so inclined) to him, and perhaps to the next person who came into the office.
All this being stated, “shutting down” may be the best course of action in a particular situation but I didn’t check in first to make that determination. I can also admit that I wasn’t in a place to check in with myself—I hadn’t learned to take the time to put that into practice in communication when faced with someone projecting from a place of energetic disempowerment. Instead, I did what I had put into practice most of the other times I found myself on the receiving end of emotional/energetic aggressiveness. But these days, I’m setting this intention of lovingly contributing to my own wellbeing in my communication with others and am intending to put it into practice. So, we’ll see what the future brings đŸ˜‰.