TEACHING BY EXAMPLE

Originally posted on FB on Aug. 2nd♥


I experienced something this week where the Universe allowed me to do something I wanted to do, but in a bit of an unexpected way.

I had an interaction at work with someone I will name Person A. I am one of Person A's Supervisors and Person A had made a mistake. When I brought this to Person A's attention, Person A got defensive. I was surprised. I had expected an apology. I recognized that not only was I surprised at the response, but also that Person A reflected back to me a default habit from the past that I am actively working on.

Taking the exchange home with me, and doing some inner work, I soon realized that the interaction with Person A also helped me to unearth some memories connected to another feeling that came up--memories I had long forgotten about, memories from when I was younger that I didn't realize affected me and my perception of self. Memories that needed healing. Gratefully, I was able to heal and forgive the first memory that came up. I am working on forgiving the other two.

Now, back to Person A. When our interaction first occurred, I mentioned that I was surprised at the defensiveness. Internally, I wanted to articulate/teach that there was an error made and being defensive was deciding not to own up to or acknowledge the role Person A played. But even I knew at that point it would only be received with more defensiveness.

Well, the Universe stepped in and ended up providing two ways.

Two days later, there was a situation where I ended up having to apologize to Person A and a few other people because of an error I had made. When it happened, the thought briefly crossed my mind to ignore it. And then I realized what I was planning on doing was another form of being defensive--not admitting that I had made a mistake. I also saw the importance of putting out into Universe/ giving what I felt I would have wanted in the upshot of my first interaction with Person A. So I apologized.

Then the next day, I ended up having to apologize to someone about another error that I made and guess who had the opportunity to bear witness to it? Person A.

I call this synchronicity.

I'm grateful for the realization that these two opportunities were given to me to help teach by example. It was a reminder to me to heal the reacting-defensively-default-habit AND it provided an example of what I wanted to communicate to Person A when Person A had reacted defensively earlier in the week. It had been such a clear desire on my part, but the only way to do it at the time did not feel "right" to me. I didn't consciously realize the Universe had been listening.

Now, truth be told, I recognize that it doesn't really matter whether Person A got something out of the two latter apologies as it's not my place to make certain that this was the case. What was important was what I got out of the whole thing. I got the chance to teach by example. I got to say via action what I wanted to communicate in our earlier interaction.

So thank you, dear Universe for the opportunity and for the clarity.

Still working on forgiveness. But I trust that it will come.

9/10/13

Originally posted on FB on 9/10/13♥


Giving voice to inner musings/ Sharing out loud. Early this morning, as I walked to the train station, a starling bird flew my way and landed at my feet. I remember thinking how lovely it looked and also thinking that it was standing quite close to me, almost as if it was looking up at me. There was a bit of food on the ground, but the starling seemed to ignore it. I kept walking, but I was a bit tickled by the whole thing. After all, to my recollection, no birds had ever flown so close to me, not to mention, stand so close to me. I remember glancing back and it was still looking in my direction. Not giving it another thought, I crossed the street, went underground and made my train connection. When I got to my destination, I turned on my phone and learned of the passing of my loved one. I can’t help but wonder if the interaction with the starling was a sign. I'm wired that way:)

SMOOTH TALKER. FEAR

Originally posted on FB on Sept. 12th♥

Dear Hearts, it's easy to believe the fear thoughts. It's easy to give into the anxiety. It's easy because we've practiced it and in some cases, it become second nature--a knee jerk response. But there is another choice. You are a walking miracle. You are more than your physical self. So much has happened in your life to remind you of this. But to really move towards a more helpful perspective, to really let go of the fear, you have to put in the conscious work to practice a different tune. Look within and breathe until you can get to a place of stillness. Just begin with that. You don't have to accept the fear. Choose your self. Choose your spirit. Nurture a mental and emotional environment that allows peace to take root. Just focus on getting back to stillness, first and foremost, and then go from there. From that place, you can pray or speak affirmations. From that place you are in a better position to make helpful choices. Any choice you make from a place of fear does not serve you. And sometimes, the fear is so great, you feel you can't even make a decision. Breathe. Breathe slow and deep to stillness. And from there, you can remember who you truly are♥

TENSION QUOTE

Originally posted on FB on Sept. 19th♥

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." The other day, that proverb kept popping into my head. I'd heard it before, but as it insisted on being part of my mental playlist of the moment, I decided to give it a more conscious examination. This is what I came up with.

All those moments I've found myself tense--be it borne out of worry or out of anger, most everything about me is restricted--my breathing, my voice, my body, even my thoughts. And then I also noticed that sometimes, even when I'm not in an emotional state (i.e. seemingly dealing/reacting to some perceived outside incident), several times I've checked in with my body only to find that I'm not relaxed--either my shoulders are tense or I'm not really breathing or there is a general constriction within my body. But then there have been times when I've checked in and felt present, and fluid--basically, fully relaxed into the present moment. I, for one, know I feel better when my decisions and general state of being stem from a more relaxed nature than of a tense one. I know my body would rather move through the world from a place of peace than that of tension.

So, I feel the proverb popped into my mind to remind me to check in more often to see if I'm perpetuating tension and if so, to release and consciously embrace relaxation. I believe I was being reminded to stay conscious of what my body is communicating to me and to use the feedback to delve deeper into understanding the source of the tension. From there, I can take the necessary steps to help transform the tension to relaxation, thereby contributing to my own physical and emotional well-being

I LEAVE YOU FREE

Originally posted on FB on Oct. 9th 2013♥

“I leave you free to be yourself, to think your thoughts, to indulge your taste, follow your inclinations, behave in any way that you decide is to your liking.”-- Anthony De Mello from The Way to Love, The Last Meditations of Anthony De Mello

I recently had an interaction with someone who wanted me to change my mind regarding a decision I had made. She wanted me to attend a function and everything inside of me said, “No.”

She kept trying to sway me, but I held my ground firmly stating that if I was able to make it I would let her know but for now, I would not be attending. Well, when I got off the phone, my mind kept replaying the scene and I found myself, on several occasions, tempted to be upset that she would try to force me to do something against my clearly stated will.

And then I had an “a-ha!” moment.

I realized that I was finding her and her actions guilty, as opposed to giving her the freedom to think and believe what she wanted to believe. And in fact, in some ways, I was doing to her what she had tried to do to me—finding her guilty because she didn’t see things MY way. And, in all honesty, by choosing to find her guilty, I was choosing to give away my peace of mind. But why give away my peace of mind? After all, I had already made my decision, so why keep replaying the situation as though my right to decided had been taken away from me?

Sometime ago, I memorized the quoted passage from Anthony De Mello’s book. I memorized it as a mantra to help me heal my perceptions regarding the aftermath of a romantic relationship. Well, it just so happened to pop into my head as the answer to my current dilemma—that of finding someone guilty for not being the way I wanted her to be. So, now, when I’m tempted to replay this situation, when I’m tempted to see guilt, I’ll just say that mantra over and over until it becomes my automatic internal response. This way, I stand by my right to make my own decisions and at the same time give her the freedom to believe what she chooses to believe. This way, we're both free. I believe:)

TAKE YOUR WELL BEING INTO ACCOUNT

Salutations, fellow sojourners♥ There are a lot of things that we do out of habit, and those habits have served a very necessary purpose in how we interact with the world. But please take the time, now, to examine the habit to see if it actually contributes to peace—not just the imagined peace of the receiver but to your peace as well. Just because it’s a socially accepted habit, or just because you’ve always done it, does not mean it’s actually the “right” thing for you to do in every situation. Take your wellbeing into account and make sure that your actions are genuinely contributing to your peace of mind. My humble wish for you today. My wish for you always♥

LET YOURSELF RECEIVE

Salutations, fellow sojourners♥ “Infinite love fills my mind and thrills my body with its perfect life.” (from the Life & Teachings of the Masters of the Far East Volume 1)

We engage in giving love, sending love, channeling love to others. But when it comes to receiving love, many times there's a practiced disconnect. Why not balance the giving by allowing yourself to be a recipient as well? Love’s good for every single one of us. Be open to it—keep at being open to receiving it in all its various manifestations (a compliment, a gift, some assistance, etc) --even if your first reaction is to deflect or push it away. When you push it away, you’re stopping the flow and secretly telling yourself that you're not worthy. Dear hearts, you are worthy of love, therefore begin allowing yourself to receive♥

I COULD CHOOSE PEACE INSTEAD OF THIS

Some years ago, I began reading A Course in Miracles. I did not finish, but some of what I learned has stayed with me and I feel I will pick it up again and start from the beginning.

One of the lessons states:

“I could see peace instead of this”

It is lesson 34 and can be applied anytime you “see” something that elicits judgment, fear thoughts, impatience, etc.

It popped into my mind recently.

I connect with the word, “could.”

It’s a reminder that I can choose again. It starts me on the journey of potentially embracing another perspective regarding the unfolding situation. It’s enough of an opening to begin laying the foundation of change and conscious ownership of my choices. “Could” is the first step. And with enough “coulds” it can eventually become, “I see peace instead of this.” But today, I begin with, “could.” I hope you’ll join me. Namaste♥

GROWTH OPPORTUNITIES

I wrote this entry on Dec. 4th on FB after returning from the burial ceremony of my late father♥

Salutation fellow sojourners♥ Namaste♥ How are you all? I’m back from my trip and what a trip it was As I’ve had the opportunity to talk it over with some friends, I’ve decided that in lieu of detailing the things that did not unfold as planned, I would instead like to share with you lessons/reminders that the experience has gifted to me And who knows, perhaps some of it will be of assistance to you♥

I was reminded that it was not my place to attempt to control someone else’s reactions especially if in the trying to control person B’s reactions, I was becoming disconnected from a peaceful perception. The following Abraham-Hicks quote says it best: "It is not your role to make others happy, it is your role to keep yourself in balance. When you pay attention to how you feel and practice self-empowering thoughts that align with who you really are, you will offer an example of thriving that will be of tremendous value to those who have the benefit of observing you."

I was reminded of the importance of not making assumptions and treating them as facts. No matter how “logical” it might seem, at the end of the day, an assumption is an assumption and treating it as fact doesn’t make it so (particularly when others are involved). I was gifted with a plethora of Teachers on this trip whose actions really drove that point home for me.

I was reminded that if I just remember to ask for Divine assistance and stay open to receiving the best answer, then I would be assisted in the best way possible. There were times when I found myself worrying over a decision and the thought would pop into my head that I was trying to go at it alone—that I was trying to force something with my own strength—as opposed to asking for help and trusting that the best kind of help would come to pass. When this thought would show up, I would remember to pray and I honestly got the help that I needed in ways I could not have foreseen.

My insecurities were reflected back to me in such a way that I had no doubt that I was the originator as opposed to thinking that someone else’s “random” actions were the reasons for why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I could clearly see where I needed to do the work to heal my psychic wounds and until I healed them, it would be relatively easy for something “outside” of me to exacerbate them.

I was reminded of the importance of continuing to do my inner work so that in the midst of “outer” turmoil, I could still plug into peace.

Dear hearts, suffice it to say that it was definitely an experience.
And I’d like to take the opportunity to say I am genuinely grateful to all the beings on this side of the veil and the other side of the veil who helped me get through/grow through it.

Thanks, thanks and forever thanks♥

I CHOSE IT SO I COULD FORGIVE IT

I was mostly asleep. Literally. I was lying in bed. Had been for a few hours. But I was also semi-conscious that I was thinking when, all of a sudden, I had a thought to which I remembered thinking, “No, I don’t want to think about that.” And started to push it away. But in that split second of that immediate response, I had another thought that said, “No, I should forgive it.”

It was a bit of a light bulb moment. You see, in this particular scenario, I had been thinking about habits that I engage in that I’m tempted to feel bad/conflicted about. And some part of me finally understood that perhaps the habit was part of my life experience, not to engender guilt, but forgiveness. It was such a lucid, (dare I say) “truth” that was accompanied by a sense of peace.

Sequence of events: Thought came up. Mind/Instinct/Habit began to push it away (thereby perpetuating guilt by not dealing with it). Clarity/Higher Self/Holy Spirit/Soul intervened and I was aware enough to experience an a-ha moment.

The thoughts we have, the actions we partake in that we are inclined to judge ourselves for, perhaps on some level, were chosen by us so that we could remember to forgive them. That’s beautifully freeing to me.

And why not? After all, it has been said that we, as Souls, choose our families, friends, frenemies, illnesses, etc, prior to incarnating, as growth opportunities. So why couldn’t we choose certain habits for that same purpose?

And wouldn’t forgiveness of self (which ultimately paves the way for forgiving others) and genuine unconditional love for oneself (and again ultimately making it possible to extend that to others) be the biggest Meccas of growth opportunities? The Mega Million Lottery Jackpot prize of growth opportunities?

But we don’t have to go at it alone. We can still and should still ask for help from our friends in Spirit (Mother/Father God, Angels, Guides, etc) to remember to extend and choose true forgiveness for ourselves.

I honestly believe they helped me make that connection while I was between worlds this morning. And for that I say, “Thank you dear, Friends. Every little bit of clarity, helps.”♥

Shared with the hopes that it will be of loving service.

IT'S ABOUT GUILT

Forgiveness is difficult when we still see the other persons involved as guilty. When we see someone as guilty, sometimes s/he does something that we feel we would never do and therefore can never understand how someone else could do it. And sometimes when we see others as guilty, it’s because they’ve done something that we may have done in the past and have not forgiven ourselves for and to see it “outside” ourselves reminds us we’ve placed this behavior in solitary confinement (as a way of shaming it and refusing to “dirty” our hands with it) as opposed to compassionately welcoming it in for the sole purpose of understanding it, forgiving and then letting go. Ultimately, in both scenarios, it comes down to guilt. A genuine desire in your beautiful heart to stop seeing the other party as guilty is key. It’s not going to happen overnight, but genuinely focusing your energy on this as opposed to just on “forcing” forgiveness will move you closer to drawing the assistance that you need to genuinely let go and ultimately, forgive.

There’s also something in it where we might be trying to force others to be a certain way as opposed to letting them be the way that they are choosing to be. Sometimes it helps to remember that everyone is really doing the best that they can in any given moment—even if Person A’s best appears “suspect.” The thing is Person A’s best is comprised of where Person A is in life and how Person A was raised and what Person A has come to accept as his/her way of coping and interacting with the world at this point in time of his/her life.

There was an affirmation I posted on the page sometime ago that I’ve used as a mantra to help retrain my mind when I’ve met with resistance to forgiving. I share it again with the hopes that it helps.

“I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free.”—Louise L. Hay, from the book, You Can Heal Your Life.

Perhaps coupling it with a genuine desire to work through letting go of seeing all parties involved as guilty, will make even more of a difference.

And please remember that having the desire to forgive is an immense step towards reclaiming your inner peace. The conscious desire—even if how to go about it seems momentarily elusive—is a huge step towards healing. And if you've chosen to take that step, then please consider taking another step and looking at the underlying beliefs of guilt that could benefit from being gently and compassionately addressed so that more forgiveness can truly come in and be experienced by you and extended to all parties involved♥ Cheering. You. On♥