Speak up

I have a habit that I am in the process of changing.

If my last interaction with someone was less than positive or if I find myself wondering how someone feels about me, I send out my energy to do a sweep of the energy around the other person. This is usually achieved by some action on the physical plane (i.e. I try to engage them in conversation just to see how they respond and then I judge my current standing with them based on the manner of said response).

Frankly, I've decided that this is just too much work.

And it’s not even based on absolute certainty. I am much closer to certainty by coming right out and asking, “Are we ok?”

I notice I send out my energy in this manner when I feel guilty about whatever I may have said or done prior to the instinct to test the waters.

Perhaps it’s a fear of not being liked. But then that means I need to re-examine my initial motives for saying/doing what I initially said/did. If it truly felt like the right thing to say/do, then I need to have more confidence and love myself enough to trust that if it feels like there is now an issue, it’s ok to speak up and ask, “Are we ok?” And then go from there.

The worst thing that can happen is that I’m told, “We’re not ok.” And then I have to determine whether there is a mutual willingness to work through the disconnect.

It boils down to not knowing how to be comfortable with being a powerful person and therefore it results in a weakening of said power when I second guess my actions by fearing how others are going to view me.

If I want to know their thoughts—if I feel we’re not ok and if being at peace or moving towards peace is important to me—then I can and should ask.

This way, I can clearly play my part—doing what I can to contribute to my peace— and not just the external peace between myself and the other, but most importantly my inner peace.

OK. That makes sense intellectually.

Now I just have to practice it.