Must.Get.Out.Of.My.Own.Way.

Sometimes I waver. Here's the thing. I know...OK, I believe, that my life's purpose involves writing. Why? I love to write...OK, I can get so excited to write. When I'm in FLOW of painting with words, I'm in love.

Some years back I decided that I felt I could be passionate about writing children's books around the theme of empowerment. My house mates have children and observing various interactions has convinced me that more compassion towards and empowerment steerage in children can only lead to a happier adolescence and adulthood. Since then, I have begun three stories. Two of them are children's book ideas and the other one ...well, I'm not certain I can categorize it at the moment. But it's definitely geared more towards adults.

And I haven't finished any of them.

To be perfectly honest, I need to be more disciplined (i.e. write everyday--either working on all three or picking one to focus on each day).

Committing to this and really going for it, I feel would be empowering for me. Making my living doing this, would be empowering for me.

I am all that is in my own way.

Even Spirit is cheering me on. I drew three Oracle cards today: ACTION, SPREAD YOUR WINGS, BUSINESS. The first two need no further clarification. If there was any further light shed on the meaning of those two cards, I'd pretty much be blinded by it. The last card is connected to the Goddess Venus and speaks about approaching business from the heart, from love. Let love fuel that which you want to do and watch the magic happen.

It all sounds good to me.

I've just got to do it.

7/29/14 Entry (What a Way to Start the Day!)

The temperature dropped even more, overnight. I awoke to the sounds and sight of the wind rustling the leaves on the trees outside my bedroom window. It brought to mind images of an older sibling intently engaged on mussing up the hair of his younger brother.

I went to bed last night and woke up this morning with even stronger thoughts of Hot Apple cider and Pumpkin pie on the brain. This comes as no surprise as this weather, like Autumn, feels so refreshingly invigorating.

I threw off the covers and traded the warmth of my bed for a seat by the window.

Something about this weather makes me feel like I’m waiting off stage in the wings, and more than a little excited as I’m about to make my first on stage entrance of the night. It feels as though I’m about to participate in the Biggest. Improv. Ever... Life. Literally and figuratively…And I’m excited♫

What a way to start the day wink emoticon

See you out there today, friends. Good luck on that crazy, big a** stage tongue emoticonLet the games begins heart emoticon Hope you have fun smile emoticon

7/25/14 Entry (A Bird and its Muffin)

I am grateful to the teeny, tiny bird I saw this morning on my commute to work. S/he was feasting on a massive piece of muffin that had fallen on the sidewalk. I am grateful to this little bird because watching him/her eat was just what I needed to help brighten my mood smile emoticon Hope you'll experience what will help lift you up today heart emoticon

7/23/14 Entry (Looking for Positives)

It can be so easy to get sucked into the quicksand that is anger, worry, fear. A friend just called me, upset. I listened to what she had to say. I empathized with what she was going through. And then I pointed out one positive thing to take away from the situation. I was honest in communicating to her that if I were in her shoes, a big part of me would also be inclined to be highly upset. I told her it was OK to be upset--after all, ignoring the emotion or lying to one's self about one's feelings doesn't help. But I hoped she'd be able to incorporate remembering the positive as well, so as to help breakup the potential negative spiral that she could find herself in. I told her it wasn't going to be easy, but I encouraged her to try and keep trying. I hope next time I'm tempted to get upset and stay upset, if I find that I'm unable to see anything positive about the situation, I hope that I'll remember to call a friend and ask for their help in doing so.

7/17/14 Entry (Breathe)

Today. Tomorrow. Always.

It's important to be supportive of/to ourselves--particularly when things unfold in a manner where reaching for frustration is as automatic as breathing. Although, not deep breathing. Obviously. More akin to that just-getting-by-mostly-shallow-kind of breathing we all do until we realize that we need to take deeper breaths. I was reminded of this the other day. I was out in the world, walking and had mostly convinced myself that the folks in frontof me were not moving fast enough. I was almost successful--I had gotten to the loud-sighing-looking-up-to-the-heavens-making faces-internal-temperature-rising stage. But then for some reason it occurred to me to stop putting change into the overreacting machine. What was the point of overreacting because other people weren't obeying my hidden (although it's clearly posted in my head ;p ) side walk speed limit? So, I found myself consciously thinking along the lines, "Breathe. I'm safe. Everything's fine. I'll get there when I get there." Basically talking myself down from getting annoyed. And it helped. It helped because it gave me a sense of control. And the only thing I could control in that moment was how I was feeling.

Goodness knows I gotta practice it, but I want to give myself more support. It'll help me in working through the kinks that sometimes happen. I believe.

Hope you'll be good to yourselves today, folks smile emoticon Xx

7/3/14 Entry (Air Conditioner)

 I am sitting in my bedroom, across from the air conditioner. The last time I had an air conditioner was 2004. So for 10 summers, I have sweated. Buckets. Mind you, it's easy for me to sweat in Winter, Spring or Fall (though not as much)-- that's just how I'm made. So you can imagine come Summertime, the seemingly, great buckets of sweat I have found myself drenched in. IT's akin to feeling like a human waterfall--a hot, human waterfall. OK, OK, I was privy to air conditioning at work and on some of the subway trains (emphasis on the word, "some"), but not at home. And truth be told, I probably would not have air conditioning had it not been gifted to me (...probably). But now, when I come home, I am in a perpetual state of gratitude, knowing I can turn it on for a bit and feel refreshed (as opposed to the three fan I used to have going--the ceiling fan, window fan and table fan which all just circulated hot, hot air). If you are unable to get an air conditioner at this time, I understand--I have been in your shoes and I'm hoping that changes for you soon--that is if you want an air conditioner. Just know that when you do get one, you probably won't go back to fans. I am not (willingly) planning on going back to fans. (When I finished the last sentence, I saw a firefly hiking up the wall near my bedroom window. When it comes to flies, insects, creatures of that sort--if they find a way into my room, one of us has got to go...by any means necessary. I am happy to report that I was able to calmly figure out a way to let it out instead of sending it to meet it's maker. I think it's safe to say I was able to do this thanks in part to the sense of cool comfort that was afforded my state of mind due to the presence of my air conditioner. I said "in part." The other reason is I really don't want to kill them--I just want them to go back outside. But sometimes it's hard to remember that when there's a river of sweat running down my...everything). Well, this has become much longer than I thought it was going to be. I'm going to stop now. Just had to "give props" to my air conditioner wink emoticon