I’ve noticed my sometimes tendency to respond passive aggressively or keep things in when someone has said or done something that triggers anger/annoyance/hurt in me. It’s almost as though I don’t trust myself to speak in a manner that empowers as opposed to one that is searing and possibly volatile. And then there’s also the potential shaky-voice-the-upshot-of-which-maybe-tears-response that, intellectually, seems like it would undermine the dissatisfaction I wanted to communicate.
And so I keep it in. And then I blame the other person for it when, really, I have to learn to speak up about how the interaction made me feel (speak up in the moment or later as I’ve most likely been carrying the hurt with me ever since it occurred).
I have to speak up for myself when I feel mistreated, disrespected, aka emotionally hurt.
It’s one thing to be silent when I am at peace on the inside (i.e. when the interaction has not released poisoned darts into my inner world).
But if I’m seething and am finding it hard to reconnect to love due to an unsatisfactory exchange, I have to love myself enough to speak up for myself.
By holding it in and feeling like I’m holding it in, I am allowing it to continue.
Sharing in hopes that it is helpful♥