Audition Results

Sunday, June 12th, I returned from the 8AM mass to find an email in my inbox.

“Oh dear God” I thought as I looked at the sender information. It was from the Director of TTONO.

As I sat there looking at the computer screen, the pit of my stomach already experiencing the initial symptoms of dread, I contemplated waiting till a latter point in time to peruse its contents. You see, ever since I left the audition room the day before, my thoughts had been consumed with playing Back to the Future in numerous attempts to “correct” my final read.

Prior to the audition, my goal was to feel great about the work that I did in the room. The way I saw it, if I felt great about my audition, it wouldn’t matter whether I was cast or not. But now that I did not feel great about the last thing I did before exiting the room, I wasn’t sure I was ready to deal with whatever was written in this yet to be opened email.

After reasoning with myself that I was only prolonging the inevitable, I clicked on the screen and braced myself for its contents. Quickly, my eyes scanned the length of the email and for some unclear reason, just the fact that it was about five or six lines short was confirmation enough that I didn’t get the part.
Then I read the email.

And then I looked away from the screen.

Several moments passed as I sat looking up at the Heavens. There were no thoughts in my head, just an intense feeling of… surprise. They had offered me the role.
Somewhat dazed, I gave thanks to God and the Angels—particularly Archangel Gabriel who I recently learned was the Angelic Ambassador of Communication, Artists/Creative Expression whom I had especially sought out prior to the audition.

I then said out loud, "I didn't expect this." As if my metaphysical friends needed me to verbalize the reason for the still lingering feeling of surprise. After all, they were metaphysical—it’s not as if they couldn’t read my mind.

But maybe saying it out loud wasn’t for their benefit. Maybe it was for mine. Maybe it was a way to explain to my dumbfounded self why I was so…dumbfounded.

And then I thought maybe I had read the email wrong.
And then I thought, “Wouldn't it be sad if I had read the email wrong?”

So once again I looked back at the screen and this time slowly reread the contents.

And then I said, "F*@k!"