I'm sorry

Dear John,

I'm sorry. I was having dinner with a friend the other night and I realized something. Now, I've always known this intellectually and have articulated it in several conversations with close friends about our lack of a friendship, but somehow it hit home two nights ago.

I have been mad at you for not being the friend I wanted you to be. My dinner companion said she wasn't surprised that you disappeared. She said if someone she had been dating decided it would be better to be friends, she would be hurt and wouldn't want to have anything to do with him. She wouldn't be able to see that person or talk to that person without remembering that on some level he did not choose her in the way she had wanted to be chosen.

Now, please don't misunderstand me here. I'm not saying this is how you're feeling about the whole let's be friends situation. I'm just apologizing for any pain I may have caused you and any anger I may have built up psychically surrounding thoughts of you.

If I ever see you again, I hope to treat you with love and respect no matter how the interaction unfolds. If I ever see you again, I hope to find you doing well in life and love and work. And if I never see you again, that's okay too. I'll still be wishing you well.

My anger also stemmed from shaky self worth. I found myself wondering if I had made a mistake. But I know now that i made the decision that I needed to make at the time.

Good luck to you. Good life to you. And may you perceive peace within you and around you, always.