Coming Clean II--Pine Sol, Bucket, Yellow Gloves and all

Dear John,

Okay. Yesterday, I cried. I know it's not all about you, but you seem to be the thought my mind wandered towards in this episode I'd like to title "Water, Water, Everywhere." Everything seemed to be going "fine." I was "living" my life as per usual and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, BOOM!: Sadness and Loss showed up and took me hostage.

Upon reflection, I am encouraged that it wasn't all tears. Somehow I was still conscious enough to verbalize that you were not the true cause of this pain. I was conscious enough to forgive, with blind faith and without being able to put a finger on it, whatever I thought was guilty in you and me. I was conscious enough to surrender our relationship to unfold in whatever way was best for all involved. I was conscious enough to ask for deeply sustaining Metaphysical aide.

When I told my best friend about this episode (it's the second time it's happened to me this week) he said I may just be grieving my perceived loss. He said it might take some time and that I should just continue to honor my feelings, release and forgive.

So, I'm writing this to honor my feelings and to be honest with myself. Intellectually, I know you have every right to make choices that you feel are in alignment/contribute to your peace and happiness. Emotionally, I haven't fully forgiven you, myself and my perception of your actions...yet.

Just wanted to set the record straight.

And because I consciously try to make decisions that are in alignment with my Higher Self, as always, may you perceive peace within you and around you (and I wish the same for me).

I'm sorry

Dear John,

I'm sorry. I was having dinner with a friend the other night and I realized something. Now, I've always known this intellectually and have articulated it in several conversations with close friends about our lack of a friendship, but somehow it hit home two nights ago.

I have been mad at you for not being the friend I wanted you to be. My dinner companion said she wasn't surprised that you disappeared. She said if someone she had been dating decided it would be better to be friends, she would be hurt and wouldn't want to have anything to do with him. She wouldn't be able to see that person or talk to that person without remembering that on some level he did not choose her in the way she had wanted to be chosen.

Now, please don't misunderstand me here. I'm not saying this is how you're feeling about the whole let's be friends situation. I'm just apologizing for any pain I may have caused you and any anger I may have built up psychically surrounding thoughts of you.

If I ever see you again, I hope to treat you with love and respect no matter how the interaction unfolds. If I ever see you again, I hope to find you doing well in life and love and work. And if I never see you again, that's okay too. I'll still be wishing you well.

My anger also stemmed from shaky self worth. I found myself wondering if I had made a mistake. But I know now that i made the decision that I needed to make at the time.

Good luck to you. Good life to you. And may you perceive peace within you and around you, always.