The parts of you that you, or others, make wrong for
speaking up, is in need of your compassion.
You have every right to speak up for yourself, every right
to advocate for fairness, wellness, kindness, wholeness, respect. By the way, I don’t agree with the opinion
that respect must be earned. I think
respect should be a given right from the start and then, from there, one’s continued
actions and words determine how things unfold.
But back to speaking up and not joining the detrimental
chorus that tempts you into shrinking yourself, entertaining thoughts of,
“That’s what you get for speaking up.
That’s what you get for advocating for yourself.”
You have every right to speak up and if, in the aftermath,
you are tempted to shrink, I implore you instead to address the part of
yourself that spoke up in the first place.
To the part that communicated either through feelings or thoughts, say,
“Thank you for speaking up. Thank you
for letting me know something didn’t feel right and needed addressing. When we were kids, sometimes or many times,
we couldn’t give voice to that which didn’t sit well with us. Or if we did, sometimes or many times,
someone we trusted, sometimes an adult, was unable to honor our feelings. But I’m the adult now, so keep communicating
with me and I promise to listen, and to keep speaking up for us.”
Even if you’re tempted to shrink because you made an error
in judgement. Thank the part of you that was trying to do good by you. Acknowledge that underlying the words or
actions you took was a desire to take loving care of yourself, acknowledge that
you now realize that you’ve made an error in judgement or an error in your
execution and, from this place of awareness and honesty, move forward,
alongside any necessary external amends, with conscious self-talk & actions
steadily nurturing self-compassion.
Ultimately, all this is to say, honor the wholeness of
you. Feeding feelings of shame from
yourself or others doesn't support the wholeness of you. And even if you made a mistake, when you
realize this, the wholeness of you benefits from your acknowledgment and your
gentle compassion with yourself as you now take slow, deliberate steps towards
living into a more conscious you.