I’ve been thinking about energetic boundaries and those instances when my intuition communicates something to me and it feels right for me but I don’t feel a pull or feel it’s warranted or necessary to explain it. I’m talking about scenarios where someone decides I should purchase something or put money towards something that doesn’t speak to me or take on an activity that, again, doesn’t speak to me. If you proffer a suggestion to a friend or even an adult family member, and they’re not interested in pursuing it and they say, “No, I’m not interested,” they’ve given you their answer. That should be enough. You proffered something, the person isn’t interested and said so. To ask them, “why?” is often stated, though I admit not always (but all parties involved can tell when it is), in a way that asks for them to defend their disinterest. Then, in that particular scenario, this is usually followed by you trying to convince them to change their mind. This shows you’re not listening to them, not respecting their right to say no and are now engaging in ignoring energetic boundaries. Respect their decision. Feel free to add, “If you change your mind...” Otherwise, honor their sovereignty.
When I wrote the above, a friend replied that she follows up a why with, “Tell me why you want to know why.” I liked that. It can bring additional insights for both parties— for the one asking and especially for the person initially questioning the why out of an unconscious habit.
I say unconscious habit because in some cases, this could’ve been learned as a child navigating rules and expectations from guardians/ adults. In many of those situations, saying no just wasn’t accepted and honored. And while I can understand in some of those cases why the guardian/ adult asks that follow up why, it’s also easy for the guardian to feel unconsciously “owed” an explanation as opposed to genuinely wanting to hear the why and make a conscious decision on how to respond once the why has been answered.
But the question, “Tell me why you want to know why,” presents an opportunity for an unconscious habit to be examined — “why do I really need to know and where am I really coming from?”
After writing all of that, I thought of children who ask their guardians why and get the reply, “Because I said so.” But the thing is, I think children should be given more conscious answers because they are children and are learning to process the world via their experiences and interactions and taking more conscious time to explain can help towards raising them to be more conscious as they grow in the world.
