I love my mother.
And when I question her stance on a subject, she’ll eventually reply that when she was growing up, she listened quietly when the grownups spoke and never interrupted.
I believe her. I do. It was a different time. It was a different culture. I don’t for a second doubt that she listened quietly.
But I wasn’t there so I can’t say if that was the right thing to do, because older doesn’t necessarily equal wisdom. It does in some cases until it doesn’t. Being an “adult” does not mean you suddenly have a monopoly on wisdom.
And I’m not my mother. I’m me. And now that I’m older and have had my own life experiences to draw from and have done some observation of the world around me, there’s a good chance that I’ll speak up if I don’t agree with something the other adults are saying. Not to be antagonistic, not to be disrespectful but to question why certain perspectives are being embraced especially when from where I stand it looks an awful lot like inviting more pain into that person’s life. And not the, “that which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” pain but more along the lines of that “is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me. I will die at the stake” variety.
I believe that the next generation has the potential to help heal perspectives held and perpetuated by their parents because, in many cases— though not all— what mom and dad knew was based on how they observed and related to their mothers and fathers. For example, based on my experiences and observations, I now understand the difference between discipline and punishment and I can tell you that many of West African descent of a certain age, growing up, only knew punishment, (though those doling it out would call it, “discipline”) because of their parent’s own upbringing that if you “spare the rod you spoil the child.”
I now know that adage isn’t true.
Children deserve your consciousness, your presence. They deserve the best that you can offer from a place of love. They deserve everything that can help them thrive and grow their heart, their self esteem, their wisdom.