Sitting in the discomfort of ill fitting emotions, I judge feeling this way. All I did was speak up, and in speaking up give voice to my annoyance at the perception of your attempt to steam roll over my concerns with talking over me and volume. Well, I replied in kind. Choosing not to quietly take it as I have in the past. But admittedly, splitting the difference between past reaction and real time frustration, I threw into the mix that smiling thing. That thing where I “smile” because I can’t believe your attempt to slap away-belittle-my-concerns-and-I “smile” because if I don’t I will come across angry, which I AM in the moment but am not ready or comfortable embodying in that particular interaction. And now, hours later, I’m angry at you and a little disappointed in me. The only potential consolation being maybe by my speaking up even through the “smiling”, you were made uncomfortable too. Uncomfortable in a “good” way. Uncomfortable enough to reassess how you interact with me in the future— not trying to talk over me and belittle my concerns because I. Will. Push. Back. So here I now sit. Second guessing one’s right to be perfectly herself in a moment that calls forth in her, ANGER at the EFFRONTERY of another. The terrain, unsteady, the temperature, fire.