Reflecting...

A moment ago, I realized I was perpetuating a pattern I used to patronize at one point in time—a pattern that I have worked on healing and not giving into—but now, when I’ve just consciously perpetuated it because it actually felt more healthy for me given the particular circumstances I found myself in—carrying it out felt, oddly, but clearly, disappointing. Disappointing to the point of being surprised by tears. This helps me realize/remember that actions considered unhelpful in some circumstances can be absolutely valid in others. I don't believe there's any danger in perpetuating it in the manner i used to--the manner that I worked on healing. But it is possible when I choose to use it now as a more healthy approach to certain circumstances, I may continue to encounter that surprise of tears--at least for some time,-- because, on a heart level, I'm saddened that I even have to employ it at all.