☼"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." - Anais Nin
Writing Prompt:
Question - What have I been unable to say? What is insatiable in me to say if I could just get it said?☼
Here was my reply:
The truth of the matter is I’m still mad.
Yes, I do believe everything happens for a reason and that things are always working out for me and that we ended the way we ended because it was healthy and necessary.
But I am still mad.
I am mad at the events that led up to our amicable—at least on the surface—goodbye. I am mad that I kept my silence for as long as I did. I am mad that I tried to make things work even though at times I felt like I was the only one trying. And I am mad that as soon as I started to speak up and make requests, you decided it was time for us to part ways.
And while I’m still sorting all of that out, yes, I still do believe everything happens for a reason and things are always working out for me.
I am grateful I don’t live there anymore. I am grateful I haven’t seen or heard from you since. I am grateful every time I’m on the bus and it picks up passengers at your stop that you’re not one of them. I am grateful for that amicable—at least on the surface—goodbye. I am grateful for the latter because I believe that one day it will feel 100% real and I’ll no longer add the words, “on the surface.”
I’m working on forgiveness.
I’m working on forgiveness because I know things are better for me this way.
I’m working on forgiveness because living there had stopped being nurturing to my spirit and leaving was/is a blessed, invaluable gift from the Universe.
I am working on forgiveness because I can say, without a doubt, the totality of the experience of you has contributed to my growth.
I am working on forgiveness because, underneath it all, I think you did the best you felt you could do.
I am working on forgiveness because one day when I see you, I genuinely don’t want to be mad any more.
But if I’m being honest with myself, at this time, I’m still mad.