MESSAGES IN A DREAM

Salutation fellow sojourners♥ I had a series of dreams over the night and feel compelled to share one of them.

A friend (although I am unable to actually place this person as someone I currently know in “real” life), myself and a few others were driven to what some may term “a house of ill repute.” It actually had more of a museum exhibit feel with live action art displays.

At first, my friend was standoffish. But later on she let her guard down enough to comment on something along the lines of, “I can’t believe THAT!” (I know it seems funny to say she let her guard down and then responded with those obvious words of disbelief, but her guard did come down—that was the feeling I got from watching and listening to delivery of that line)

Well shortly, rounding the corner was her mom and a few other members belonging to her mom’s party. It would appear that they had been looking at the displays as well.

My friend was mollified at seeing her mom there or more accurately at being seen by her mom there. Her Mom seemed happy to see her though (It felt as though her mom was relieved to see her daughter’s “human” side. That was the sense I got from the mom regarding her part of the exchange. There was definitely a feeling of relief and acceptance).

My friend decided that she wanted to leave and the upshot of the arrangements was she would go with her mom’s party and I would travel in another car.

At some point, I had written out something to say to my friend about making peace with herself and beliefs about what was “right” and what was “wrong.” So when she hugs me goodbye and we’re at her party’s car, I try to read to her what I’ve written. But it doesn’t make sense to me. The written words literally do not make any sense. So I find myself having to improvise in the moment. The main gist of the improvised message is:

“Strive not to be perfect (whatever your idea of perfect is). Strive for well being…and the freedom in being.”

I knew that what I said stemmed from seeing her initially relax and choose to be somewhat less guarded before putting up her walls again when she saw her mom.

It’s important to note that her walls came back not because her mother was judging her, but because she was judging herself.

So to expand upon the message again: Strive not to be perfect (whatever your idea of perfect is). Strive for well being…and the freedom and ease that goes hand in hand with really, truly, being comfortable being.


(PS—While I know all aspects of a dream have meaning for the dreamer, I felt the need to share, in particular, the “Strive not to be perfect” message. And I can definitely connect to that message. On an even more personal note, I can also connect to the section where I became actively engaged in the dream, i.e. not just there as an observer. When I tried to read what I had previously written, I couldn’t make sense of it. But in the improvising, I found I already knew what to say. And so I take this to be a second message meaning trust myself more in the moment as opposed to having things all planned out before hand).

Felt compelled to share. Hope it is helpful♥

SPEAK UP

I’ve noticed my sometimes tendency to respond passive aggressively or keep things in when someone has said or done something that triggers anger/annoyance/hurt in me. It’s almost as though I don’t trust myself to speak in a manner that empowers as opposed to one that is searing and possibly volatile. And then there’s also the potential shaky-voice-the-upshot-of-which-maybe-tears-response that, intellectually, seems like it would undermine the dissatisfaction I wanted to communicate.

And so I keep it in. And then I blame the other person for it when, really, I have to learn to speak up about how the interaction made me feel (speak up in the moment or later as I’ve most likely been carrying the hurt with me ever since it occurred).

I have to speak up for myself when I feel mistreated, disrespected, aka emotionally hurt.

It’s one thing to be silent when I am at peace on the inside (i.e. when the interaction has not released poisoned darts into my inner world).

But if I’m seething and am finding it hard to reconnect to love due to an unsatisfactory exchange, I have to love myself enough to speak up for myself.

By holding it in and feeling like I’m holding it in, I am allowing it to continue.

Sharing in hopes that it is helpful♥