Thoughts on a Prayer

A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Father God, I know that You have a wonderful plan and purpose for me. I desire to be in right standing with You. Show me Your ways and teach me to walk righteously before You. Shine Your light in my heart and give me strength to pursue the path You have for me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

— Joel & Victoria Osteen

There is the school of thought that you find something that makes your heart sing and pursue it with all your might and invite God to direct your path. There is the school of thought that if you want, God will direct your path--just trust that by calling on him and by affirming this, your right path will be made clear to you.

I go back and forth with the two schools of thought sometimes. On one hand, I love acting and believe that I would enjoy a successful acting career. But at the same time, I genuinely want to choose the right path for me and would love, with all my heart, to have God's direction--even if its not acting.

I'm always asking for signs. Perhaps I should ask for clear responses--that's really what I want, not some open to interpretation signs or signs that I just might miss or misunderstand.

I do know a couple of things for certain: My heart is good. I genuinely care and want to do the right thing for all concerned. I want to be happy and live from an abundant and radiant joy filled perspective. I'd love to be affluent and consistently and consciouly inspired. I care.

Dear God, I want to hear your more clearly. I place my life in your hands and call on you for guidance. I ask that your light truly shine through me. Amen.

Bringing a Truth to Light

I was told not too long ago that i was overextending myself. It was brought to my attention that I was putting too much thought into something/ people that at the end of the day were not my friends.

Part of the reason this might be the case is I feel as though I don't really have my own thing going. I am currently stuck in a routine rut that can be somewhat uninspiring (wake up, gym, work, home, sleep, wake up, gym, work, home, sleep, wake up, and repeat).

I like getting along with other people but there are times when it feels as though I'm the one making the effort and sometimes that can feel disingenuous to sensibilities. I'd rather focus on getting along with myself more and trust that my light will shine through without my sacrificing myself.

I'd like to know myself more. In 2011, my resolution is to be my own best friend:) Going to the gym, exploring different activities (maybe finally learning how to knit or looking into a tap/dance class), continuing with yoga, etc. I will be 35 this year. I would like to say that at the end of the year, I had a phenomenal time. I have been laziness inclined, but I know the diference between realxing when I truly need it versus being a bump on a log and trust me, at this point, its easy for me to be a bump on a log;p

I am still interested in an acting career. I really do like connecting to compassion and understanding by putting myself in other people's shoes and in general encourage others to care and be conscious. I also want to work on material that encourages forgiveness. And I'm also interested in writing (i.e.--a novel, a play, screenplay, an advice book, sketches). I would love to get back to singing as well. I also believe I will go on a silent retreat and have more reiki sessions and see more plays and movies.

I am open to exploring new things. I welcome Divine counsil and Divine assistance.

Baggage

I've been carrying around baggage and I'm tired of it. So tired.

The baggage is not of the luggage variety. In this case the baggage is a euphemism for currently defunct relationships.

In recent daydreams, I find myself wanting to set certain memories of people on fire--akin to incense burning, NOT trapping people inside a barn and striking a match. I am not pyromania inclined (except perhaps when I'm hot under the collar). But there just seems to me a sense of cleansing that comes out of the image of burning up unhappy memories...

Sigh. Labeling it "unhappy" begins to suffocate the memories and the relationships in polyester when really, I rather fancy cotton. "Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so."

In some daydreams, I choose to walk away from the baggage. I spy it from afar before it even knows I'm in the vicinity and then I make the deliberate choice to cross over to the other side of the street. Yes, there are some who would label this as Chicken but to those people I cry FOUL! Yes, the Chicken did indeed cross the road, but at the end of the day, he wanted (for whatever private, personal reason) to get to the other side. I want to get to the other side. I want to move on and I can do that by taking control of who I choose to walk hand in hand with, walk towards or walk away from.

I have no desire to insult or snub others, but I do desire, wholeheartedly, to give myself the gift of peace and love. I have to choose me. Especially when their actions clearly show that my feelings are not being considered.

I'm getting back to me. I choose me.

Thinking through my heart while in my head...

I'm working on allowing people to be. Trying not to take things personally or feel I have to change someone's mind or convince them to see things my way. There are instances where I, of course, should speak up (i.e. at work where I am the Supervisor) making the necessary decisions for the wellbeing of the general office population.

How would life be if I had my "perfect" place and making the "right" amount of money, was in "perfect" health (physically, mentally, emotionally) and working my "dream" job and in the "perfect" relationship with someone who was the "perfect" higher-self-happiness-growth-contributing-match for me and for he? Would I still want more? Would I be unsatisfied?

Chris Pine

Chris Pine.

The first time I saw him was in the movie Star Trek. To date, the only other movies I've seen him in are Unstoppable and Carriers. Truth be told, I have watched Star Trek several times now (and probably will several times more) and I LOVE his work-- I LOVE how fully realized, and honest, and passionate and funny his protrayal of James Kirk registers internally for me. One of my favorite sequences of his begins when Doctor Mccoy gives him a shot to get him on the ship. His facial expressions, his physicality--hilarity ensues.

I loved his work so much, that I began surfing the internet looking for interviews featuring him--both written and on-camera.

Thus far in the interviews I've seen, he comes across as amiable, articulate, relaxed and comfortable and that honestly, just adds to the growing respect I have for him.

Yes, he also happens to be rather easy on the eyes. But trust me--if he only had that going for him without his work and seemingly genuine comfortable-in-his-own-skin personality, I'd probably not give him a deeper look...Probably;p


Solely based on what I've seen of his public persona so far, I think I would love to work with him--particularly on a play or a television series where we have scenes together and we actually speak/interact with each other. I would love watching him, learn from watching him and want to bring my A-game. I am always grateful for anything that contributes to my wanting to be better at my craft, better at being conscious, etc, and I think my experience of him would yield this. At least that would be my hope going into it!

Quick props to Star Trek. I honestly loved everything about it--the cast, the script--the building on and moving away from the established canon. I really wished the DVD Extras contained Deleted Scenes and more actual bloopers. I would also have loved to hear an Actor commentary Track including Mr. Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, and Eric Bana.

Chris Pine, I am looking forward to seeing more of your work.