I am tempted to delete our facebook friendship status.
After all I currently do not feel your actions towards me (or lack thereof) are an acceptable display of friendship.
But that being said, I know--with every fiber of my being--that Future me would regard this as childish behavior and while engaging in said childish behavior, Present Me would be upset that i had let my ego get the best of me.
In the midst of all of this anger/sadness/regret, I am reminded of something from ACIM: "I do not know what anything including this means. And so I do not know how to respond to it. And I will not use my own past learnings as the light to guide me now." I am also aware that the temptation to delete you comes from my one sided perception of the situation, and that the origins of this temptation to condemn was birthed from within. I feel, or I am erroneously choosing to feel, this way and that can only mean that there is something in me that needs to be looked upon carefully, and with compassion and love and forgiveness. I must be able to forgive myself and see my innocence if I am to readily accept yours.
I can articulate that I love you and want you to be free to live as you want to live--even if that means (for whatever reason) you choose not to respond to my attempts at reaching out. And so with the intellectual clarity of the moment, until I can see more clearly (preferably from the deeply grounded vantage point of Spirit), I will repeat the ACIM quote until the temptation to condemn subsides.
"I do not know what anything including this means. And so I do not know how to respond to it. And I will not use my own past learnings as the light to guide me now."
I welcome clarity. I welcome love. I welcome freedom.
No comments:
Post a Comment