The other day, I was scrolling through social media and saw some pics of a contact I’d gone to school with. Long since married with children, the assortment of pics depicted different combinations of him and his family.
He looked happy. They looked happy. I couldn’t help but be happy for them.
And then I caught myself playing The Comparison Game.
When I was younger and certain adults in my life were the resident hosts of The Comparison Game, I, an unwilling contestant, wanted nothing to do with it. Even then I was aware it was an attempt to highlight someone else’s perceived lack in me.
But then fast forward to the present, a ways away from childhood, and I catch myself taking on not only the role of the host but also that of the contestant and live studio audience.
Luckily, when I realized what I was doing, I acknowledged that nothing healthy would come from continuing to play and quickly walked off the sound stage.
My other realization was how unkind the behavior had been.
This particular version of the game champions self-abandonment. Living in my skin, I am the last person who should be abandoning myself! Extending self-compassion and grace? Yes! Helpful. Self-abandonment? No. Not helpful.
I do realize I’ve danced with self-abandonment in other ways throughout my life thus far (i.e., patronizing via doing/ eating/ imbibing/ reading/ watching/ listening to, etc., something that I know or have experienced as being unhealthy for me either physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically). But somehow, in this particular moment, the self-abandonment perspective, and the unkindness really stood out.
When I made the connection, I told myself something along the lines of, “You have to be kind to yourself. You can choose to be kind to yourself. You inhabit your body, so, of all people, it’s imperative that you choose to be kind to you.”
(And being kind to you doesn’t mean being unkind to someone else.)
(And having healthy boundaries is not the same as being unkind to others. Though it might feel like it if you've only just begun to see the value that healthy boundaries can contribute to your physical, mental, emotional, and energetic well-being.)
(I added the latter two as reminders that the way I choose to treat everyone (including myself), whether I am initiating or continuing in an interaction matters).
Also, I’ve had the front-row seat in my life! There have been a plethora of blessings and lots of growth, and all have contributed to the person that I am today. Sure, there are things I’m working on and likely there’ll always be things I’ll want to work on. But I do like who I am and who l am steadily working on growing into in my life and in the world.
So, I take the first step in the direction I consciously want to be headed.
And I continue to take as many more steps as is necessary to support me in taking better care of myself.
And I remember that self-compassion and grace are just a thought away.
Hope you will, too.