Thoughts on Shaming

Sharing a summary of thoughts from a chat convo with a friend on the subject of shaming:

Shaming is a huge blind spot for people. It’s been accepted for so long—normalized and internalized—that, sometimes, it’s hard to recognize when you’re engaging in it, when someone else is engaging in it, or when you’re the recipient of it—especially from yourself to yourself. To start the work of addressing it, one can only begin with the decision to gently notice and then keep making conscious decisions and taking conscious actions to flip that script from one of judgment to one of compassion. 

Wishes for the Day (any day that you happen to read this)

Wishing you experiences of joy, inner peace, grace and insights today. Hoping your heart and your spirit is touched in beautiful and profound ways. And if any moments of the day calls for inner strength, patience, and perseverance, I pray that you may connect with everything that helps to make it possible. Take gentle and loving care. Cheering. You. On.

Whenever possible, Speak up

Whenever it is possible, speak up when you know it contributes to taking kind and gentle care of you.

 

A: So, should we go to X, then Y, and then Z?

B (voice dialed up to blaring): We’re going to X first.

A: Please don’t yell at me.

B: We already went over this. You shouldn’t have to ask again.

A: Please don’t yell at me. There are times when I go over things with you more than once.

B replies in a way that shows nothing A says will change B’s perspective.

A: Please don’t yell at me.

B mutters a slew of things that still imply A is wrong.

 

A is upset but silent, as A has said what was important for A to say. A is also aware that B’s behavior is born out of how they were raised, trauma from the high bar of expectation that is perfectionism, and the lenses through which B views A in particular. A understands. A is truly grateful to be in a position to understand. This helps A to continue working at not taking it personally. But A also understands the need to address what feels unacceptable to their spirit: yelling and shaming in response to asking a question.

 

Speak up when you know it contributes to taking kind and gentle care of you. Sometimes it isn't possible. But when you are able, whenever it is possible, speak up. You might not change the other person’s behavior, but you will continue in playing your part in taking loving care of you. 

Cheering. You. On🌱💚

Gelato

Dear Reader,

Yesterday, I went to the store and, amongst other things, window-shopped in the gelato aisle.

When I got home, how many times do you think I thought about gelato? The answer is, "More than I would've if I'd just gotten some gelato in the first place."

Today, I went to the store and, amongst other things, bought some gelato.

Dear Reader, thus far, this is easily on my list of top ten best decisions of 2024.  

When A Child Walks Into the Room...Do Your Eyes Light Up? - Toni Morrison

I loved reading this. 

A child, an adult, someone you know, perhaps an acquaintance, maybe even a stranger... People can feel the energy you’re radiating in person or via your tone over the phone. When I first read the piece that included this quote, memories came to mind, thereby cementing the truth of this statement by Toni Morrison. Ever since, I have tried, particularly with children, to let them know I’m elated to see them when they come into a room.

All the best with your day, folks, and with the brand new shiny month. May you feel seen and valued when you walk into a room and, in turn, may your energy do the same for others. Cheering. You. On.

https://brenebrown.com/articles/2019/08/07/what-toni-morrison-taught-me-about-parenting/?fbclid=IwAR1qJkzOo_-bdVy0zcUAuHUZfdnlo9gUdeMvvnZB63YgpGPsdZYD2FdbB9k