Endings: In the pause between the exhale and inhale

So, first thing I want to say is please, no “I’m sorry” or condolences. If you do feel inclined to offer anything in response, just uplifting words and general cheering me on thoughts are appreciated— though not required 😊. I was informed part way through my workday that I was being, effectively, laid off. Tomorrow’s my last day.  I’m working through some thoughts and some emotions and I ultimately trust things will work out. As I’ve mentioned on here, part of my spiritual and centering practice involves oracle cards. I’ve been doing this for years. So, I drew a card from The Wild Offering Oracle, setting the intention that whatever thoughts or emotions bubble up for the rest of my evening, I wanted a message I could gently refocus on.  And this is what I drew. I share to share. And if it helps anyone else? Bonus ♥️

My Mom Called Just to Hear my Voice

My mom called today. She called the regular way ;) She called while I was working--working remotely. The call lasted less than a minute. I tried to tell her we could speak a little longer. But when she realized I was working, she said she just called to hear my voice and to see if I was o.k. While I try not to take much for granted in this world, I can't put into words how much those brief phone calls-- those quick check ins-- consistently do a number on my heart in the most beautiful of ways <3 If there's someone in your life you really love (through the ups and downs, through thick and thin, through the energetic "I adore yous" and the drawn out audible sighs ;) ), call them up --even if you spoke with them for about an hour the other day ;) You never know the impact that that reaching out can make.

Me, My Mom and Technology— WhatsApp Video

About two weeks ago, my mom accidentally called me via WhatsApp video. We’ve used WhatsApp for texting and voice messages but until that moment, watching the incoming call notification, I’d never really given the video option a second thought.  

I was excited! The last time I saw my mother was around Christmas. And with the current pandemic situation, I wasn’t sure when next we’d see each other face to face. So the fact that video chat was an option, was an unexpected gift! Excitedly, I reached out a finger to accept the call. And just as I was making contact with the screen, she hung up.

Quickly, using the video function, I called her back. It rang. And rang. And continued ringing until it timed out. Undeterred, I tried again. And again. And again. Tired of it consistently ringing out, I called her through our normal cellphone channel.  She picked up.

I asked her why she didn’t answer the video call. She replied that she had made an error. She had been trying to send me a Forward and didn’t realize she’d hit something else and then got a bit turned around when I called her back in a way she’d never received a message before.

I told her she had tried to call me via video chat and that I loved the idea so much, I had tried to make the connection happen.  And because I was determined to try again, I did my best to explain to her what she would need to do on her end. 

We were at a bit of a disadvantage here because we have different phones and I didn’t know what notifications she was receiving when I called. It would have been a little bit easier if I had that visual so I could really take her through the steps.

Much of the interactions my mom and I have had, cellphone-wise, has come from me teaching her while in the same room.  So, it was no surprise that the attempt to take her through this, blindly, once again resulted in multiple experiences of timing out.  Finally, I called her back using our regular way and told her not to worry, we’d figure it out.

In the days that followed, she’d  accidentally call me via the video function, and when I’d go to answer, it would stop ringing. I, in turn, would try initiating the video call on my end. And deja vu would ensue, with all attempts timing out.

Earlier this week, I sent my youngest brother a message, asking if he was standing near our mother or if he could go stand by her and answer when I called her phone using video.  My brother moved back into the house when my father was making his transition a few years ago.  Since my father passed away, this brother has gotten married and now has two kids — one just turned 2 and the other is less than a year old. It’s actually been a blessing that he’s there since our other brother and myself live in different states. 

So when my brother replied that he was near our mom, I called. He then proceeded to quickly show her (and I do mean quickly— I overheard the exchange) what she needed to do to answer the call. Then he left.  

I love my brother. And because I have been on the receiving end of it, I can honestly say his teaching style has helped in shaping my much more patient and thorough striving attempts.

When he left her side, I told my mom I was disconnecting so I could call her back to get in some practice.  And so I did. And she answered! I told her I’d call again! And so I did! And she didn’t answer. Not then. Or the three other times that followed. So I called her the regular way. The upshot of our conversation was we’d try again another day.

The next day, I called her. It rang out. I could see she was online. So I called again. It rang out.  I decided I’d met my attempts quota for the day.

This morning, guess who called me using the WhatsApp video function? My mother! When I realized it was her, I quickly picked up just in time to see the connection was paused on her end.  But I could hear her! I encouraged her to hold on for a bit, and then, a few seconds later, I was staring at a gorgeous extreme close up of my mother’s beautiful face!

The call lasted about a minute.  She just wanted to practice♥️ But at least now there’s a chance it’ll get easier♥️ Maybe 😬😉♥️

Thinking Out Loud

Sometimes, when things happen, sometimes I can pinpoint what I’m feeling — be it a general sense of it or a very clear, no doubt about it knowing. I strive to be more practiced in pinpointing what I, personally, am learning— not the immediate surface response of, “Well, I know never to do that again.” But some deeper digging that could, hopefully, lead to personal clarity and, hopefully, activate some healing. Leaving it at, “Well, I know never to do that again” might be enough in some situations. But it can also just be me putting up an emotional wall against something or someone— a wall quickly erected because of, let’s say, hurt. And now a wall keeping in hurt and keeping out the potential for healing. I have to work at it — work at this looking deeper at what I’m learning—because when I’m hurt, it’s easy to put up the walls.