A Call for Empathy

I watched something this morning that made me sad.  It was a news story about a man who drowned while calling out for help.  He was calling out to the teens who filmed it and they did nothing to help. Their commentary clearly shows they had no plans to help. I don't know why they didn't help or why they didn't call 911 for help.  But I do believe that somehow the concept of empathy was missing.  Somehow, empathy appears not to have been a lesson that took root thus far in their life's journey.  Empathy is important but unless the adults or caretakers in a child's life takes the time to teach and foster it, it may be harder to take root as that child gets older.  I am not blaming the parents or adults in these teen's lives.  I don't know them. I don't know these teens. I don't know their individual stories. And I'm not saying that empathy can't be learned at any stage in a person's life. I'm just thinking out loud here. Giving voice to the thoughts that say it all starts when we are children.  That is such an important time in the helping to shape how one can navigate the world.  I'm writing this to ask that those in a position to nurture and positively influence a child's life experience, a young adult's life experience, even an adult's life experience, to please do so-- not only taking the the life you are potentially influencing into consideration, but also the lives of others they may cross paths with in their journey.  And one of those important lessons, to me, is that it of empathy. Cheering you on.

A Lesson on the Subway

The subway car's door opened and a woman got on with her two children.  She then approached a passenger with questions on how to get to her destination.  

It was the weekend and due to track work, the normal train wasn't running and the substitute train was running via the East side as opposed to the West. 

Realizing she needed to figure out where to make the necessary connections to get back on track, she came over to my side of the car and started consulting the electronic strip map. 

She was carrying a young boy-- about three years of age --, and they were followed by another little boy who looked about 6 or 7.  She tried to get both boys to sit on the seats below the map, but the seat next to where she wanted them had debris on it and they refused.   The younger of the two actually had no interest in sitting.  He insisted on being held. After several attempts to convince him otherwise, she picked him up and went back to perusing the strip map. 

The older child decided to sit somewhere else and on his way stumbled into another seated passenger.  The only indication that contact had been made came from the physical impact of the stumble. Otherwise, the boy continued on as though nothing had happened and settled down in the seat next to the man he'd run into.  As this all took place behind her back, while she was still looking at the map, the mother wasn't aware of what had transpired.  It wasn't until another passenger addressed the boy that she glanced over her shoulder.

In preparation to exit at the next stop, the passenger who spoke got up and made his way to one of the car's doors.

"You should say excuse me."  He made eye contact with the boy, his tone gentle but firm.

The boy, surprised into a confused smile, looked up at him in silence.

"You should apologize and say, 'Excuse me,'" the man repeated.    Gesturing towards the seated passenger, "You ran into him."

During the exchange the mother kept shifting her attention between the standing passenger, and her son. She didn't intervene-- just quietly watched how it would unfold.

Shyly, and with what could be interpreted as embarrassment, the boy glanced over to the seated passenger and said, "Sorry."

The seated passenger, also looking a bit embarrassed at the attention, replied, "That's okay. No problem."

"See, now you've done the right thing," said the standing man.  A few seconds later, the doors opened and he walked out onto the crowded subway platform. 

I appreciated him speaking up and the calm, but firm manner in which he did.

I had been surprised at how the boy didn't seem to register running into the seated passenger.  I remember thinking that the seated passenger might as well have been a ghost.  Even the seated passenger looked surprised both upon impact and at the initial lack of acknowledgment.

While I find myself wondering if the young boy will remember the advice should any such occurrences take place in the future, I know I am grateful for the calm persistence of the stranger.  He took it upon himself to teach something important and whether or not the lesson has a lasting effect on the intended student, he played his part and will never know whose listening ears he did effect.  It definitely affected me.

The Most Effective Alarm EVER

I was taking a nap when suddenly I was startled awake by a loud buzzing much too close for comfort.

I practically leapt off my bed, grabbed a broom and began frantically looking around for the source of the buzzing.

Finally, I saw him, or her, circling one of the light fixtures on the ceiling.  It reminded me of a bee--only because it was buzzing--, but apart from making that sound it didn't look like any bee I had ever seen, and it was large-- about a little more than half the size of my index finger. 

Taking in the size, the continued buzzing, my heart pounding a little faster, I wondered what to do.  I had a broom in my right hand, but what if I missed and in the missing, made Buzz angry or angrier?!  I didn't think I wanted a more disgruntled Buzz in my home.  

My front door was towards my left.  Ohhhh, I thought to myself, how grateful I would be if I opened the door and Buzz just decided to fly out!!! Just so kindly did the work for me by flying out!! How wonderful and perfect would that be?!!  

OhmigodIwouldbesohappy!

Therefore, swayed by that potentially happy outcome, I inched towards the door-- praying nothing else would fly in-- held it wide open with my left hand and within a few seconds, I kid you not, Buzz flew down from the light fixture and out the door!

I was elated !I am elated!!  My exact words were, "Oh sweet God, thank you!!!"

I don't know how or when Buzz got in without me noticing?!! But I am over the moon grateful that neither Buzz or myself got hurt, and that Buzz is back outside in nature doing whatever Buzz wants to do outside in nature!!!!

Talk about a wake up call!  Seriously, the undeniable loud buzzing sound of an insect?  In my humble opinion, more effective than any bedside or phone alarm! 

Interactions on the Subway, A Stranger, A Baby and Keys

I was on a somewhat packed subway train the other day when I noticed a young man, possibly in his mid to late 20ties, take off his headphones and signal to catch the attention of someone sitting across from him.

Following his gesturing right hand, first, I noticed a young woman with a baby in her lap.  Next, I noticed that the baby had a ring of keys in his mouth.  Not fake plastic keys, but active everyday people keys.  

It appeared that the young mother had been engaged in conversation with a young gentleman and another child who looked to be about 3 or 4.  The young gentleman, holding on to the black baby carriage next to them.

Upon realizing why the man across the aisle had been signaling to her, the mother looked at her baby, then quickly, but gently, extracted the keys and thanked the man.

Now keyless, the little baby wiggled his body, his little arms partially outstretched as if posed to take flight.  But he didn't seem to mind the loss.  He continued to sit on her lap, courtesy of her cradling arms, seemingly content with how things had played out.   He seemed so happy go lucky it came as no surprise that a few seconds later, his little hands replaced the vacated position inside his mouth.

My heart sighed an, "Aww."  I fell a little in love with him.  He seemed so content -- the energy of him felt so peaceful.  

Everyone involved in my experience had my admiration and well wishes-- the stranger who chose to say something, the mother holding her baby-- I was really drawn to the fact that she was holding him and how she was holding him-- as well as her gentle but quick response, and the baby whose presence and disposition just made my heart smile.