Prior to agreeing to being a part of a relationship, people enter into it (as far as they’re concerned) fully formed—comprised of nature and nurture and some deliberate and not so deliberate choices. Therefore if there are aspects of their personality that they've never really considered or had to think about in regards to how it might affect others, then it’s not very likely that they will. That is, until something happens.
In the beginning of a relationship, perhaps it’s mostly starry-eyes, harps, and romance. But there may come a time when one party or either party’s perception, shifts. And before you know it, there appears to be a disconnect in the relationship and with the disconnect, doubts arise and fear thoughts begin to run rampant, playing tag on the playground of the mind.
This is the time to stop the fear loop, stay conscious and be honest regarding where the fears are coming from.
It’s likely that you or your partner is just going through an energetic cycle shift. Just like Mother Nature goes through her cycles, people can as well. Maybe your partner is now experiencing a Winter in which s/he becomes more introverted as opposed to the Spring that you've “always” seen. It doesn't mean something is “wrong” per se. It does mean that there is a shift and, as it is noticeable, needs to be addressed.
How do you start? Well, you ask. And yes, s/he may not be able to articulate what is going on with them, because s/he may not have noticed it before—at least not very consciously. But you owe it to each other and your relationship to ask, to communicate.
Before assuming there is a problem, ask. And if you find yourself still doubtful after getting a response, look within to see if your doubts are based on past experiences involving him/her or past relationships where this type of doubt/fear has come up. For example, just because he’s seemingly aloof doesn't mean that he’s cheating or no longer interested in being with you. Before entertaining that thought as fact, take a moment to look at your history. Has he ever been dishonest with you or dishonest in interactions with others? If not, then is there something about the way he’s acting that reminds you of a past relationship where the person ended up being dishonest? Looking at your partner again, is it fair to say he actually is more of a loner in general? Or has something changed in his life—work, extended family, friends, health—that may be affecting him? And if you are aware of a change in the aforementioned, based on how you've seen him work things out in the past, does he try to do it all by himself? If so, what you may see as aloof, may just be his natural inclination in this type of a situation. And if you bring it up as an issue—as something that has come out of nowhere and needs to be changed immediately, you risk putting him on the defense, having him feel that he has to change himself—that he has to change something that as far as he’s concerned has been his way of approaching things for as long as he can remember. And the goal is more likely that you want to be able to communicate from the heart and have both parties continue to come from a place of love and respect and compassion for each other.
Also, take a look at what may be going on with you . Have you experienced recent changes that are affecting the level of communication you’re now interested in further nurturing? If so, and if your partner is still operating under the way things used to be, then it’s imperative that you talk about it so you’re on the same page.
A relationship involves two people. I love the following quote by Jim Rohn: “The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.’” What I love about this quote is the reminder to play your part and allow your partner to play his/her part. It also reminds me of the following selection from Khalil Gibran’s work, The Prophet:
On Marriage by Kahlil Gibran
"You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."
Dear Hearts, speak your heart, always, and at the same time encourage yourself to take in more of the big picture--not just one corner of it♥ Deliberately embrace the expansion of sight. If need be, ask those you trust--those you know who see or those you sense are inclined to practicing consciousness for help. You'll know who they are.
Good luck♥ Cheering♥ You♥ On♥